Advertising for a boyfriend and sleeping with a naked girl for the first time.

Sleeping with a naked girl for the first time, and advertising for a boyfriend

As I said before I was in SE Asia for Chinese New Year.

In SE Asia the rules are different, ok some are the same, don’t talk to boys or they will think you are easy…………….. yes right … like that is going to stop a girl.

You may not just go up and talk with him or rather send a friend over but you are happy to write your cell phone number on an orange and throw in a lake.

ITS TRADITIONAL ! like how long have we had cell phones let alone waterproof felt tipped pens.

I think it is called “Chap Goh Meh” and happens at the end of the 15 day Chinese New Year.

All Chinese maidens and that’s me, look I am unmarried so it is obvious I am still a maiden ………SHUT UP !  can get a boy by throwing an orange into the lake

I watched as some girls wrote a Facebook address other braver ones put a cell number on it, it should be the luck of a draw but one girl had a bag of about 30 oranges each covered with witty messages along with her date of birth, pretty hearts and an email address, done in red and black waterproof pen and must have taken her all day …………….

Boys line the bank with 20 ft long fishing poles, but the keener boys were in the water keeping an eye open for which girl threw which orange, one girl had about three guys fight over her orange so I don’t see her staying single for long.

As to me? Wellllll I wrote my book details on two of them ……er…………….. ok so I also added my email but not one replied so I guess mine must have sunk.     

While I am thinking of my Chinese New Year trip I may as remind you all of a change of life event that took place this year and that was the time my cousin removed her underwear and got in bed with me.

I promised to let you have all the details of my trip to Asia and well ……………..one of the most embarrassing things happened at night.

HMG well I never thought I would find myself sleeping with another girl I mean like together not just in the same room but in the same bed and then discover she had roving hands !!! and it was no where as exciting as when guys talk about what happens………

God this is so embarrassing to say   ….well ………… there is a first time for everything ……. Forget the worry about the embarrassment of being a girl trying to buy condoms in a shop just remember to buy ear plugs ……………… heck did she snore!

Guys are always so interested to know what goes on when two girls sleep together, (perverts !!!!)

……well anyway I will tell you ! …………. It was well kinda .er…….different ……...and well I did not do anything much myself………….

As to what strange urges happen well it is true I did get some strange urges when her hand slowly moved up my inner leg ……….. The urge was to try and sneak away and get a hotel room………. On my own !!!

It was not that I even knew her ……..well…ok……. she is a cousin ………… and she seamed to take a liking to me during the day ……..but liking each other as cousins means shopping together and  sharing an ice cream in the mall ………… moving into my bed on the pretence that the aircon was too powerful and she was cold…………. Well that is something I would have expected more from a guy…….

…. All she had on was a tee ……… and no don’t ask me why, perhaps she liked the freedom, ok it was a long Tee but she was defiantly naked under it,  look  if she had not raised it to scratch I would not have know it was the only item she had on.

To prove she was cold she placed her hands between my thighs and ……..look I am not that sort of girl ! even more of a shock when she pushed her face into my boobs……giving out a little giggle….

What am I a pillow !! ……….heck…….  I just hoped she was not going to bite anything !……….  well you try and explain teeth marks on ones boobs!

Ok try again ………….. you try and give a believable reason why you have teeth marks on your boobs

The only way I could stop her hands locating more intimate places was to hug her …………pulling her even more into my chest I locked an arm around her and stroked he hair, so??????? 

and that was all that happened until she fell asleep, then I discovered that I was now trapped in the bed with miss roving hands ……….. Could not move without waking her and so that was my first time sleeping with a naked girl………

Er………..perhaps I should point out that my cousin is 6 years old and her mother was sleeping the other side of the room in another bed with my cousins two other sisters ………

Well even at that young age I still think her morals are very poor to sleep with someone just because I shared an ice cream with her …………….

It ended up that I had to cuddle her all night ! everytime I stopped to get comfy she started to fidget ………… God I have had boyfriends that have needed less physical attention.

I still wonder what happened to my oranges …………. Sigh …………………..

dropping your panties when on a date

dropping your panties when on a date

For guys on a date should know that a girls panties don’t just fall to the floor on their own ………… er….well yes they can like when they get old and the elastic goes or if you buy the wrong size ……………. No I am talking about the way a guy is thinking of getting the panties off a girl when on a date, and when he says the wrong thing and she may as well be wearing a chastity belt for all the luck he would ever have in getting them off.

To day I will tell you what happened when a guy tried to sex talk with me on Facebook er no I don’t sex talk so it was kinda a one sided convo, I was asking about the political problems in Turkey and the number of sites they were building for Syrian refugees, and he was talking about sucking on my nipples ………IT’S TRUE !!!  I know some guys can add sex to any conversation, yet even I was surprised when asking about the state religion being Sonni he answered with how he was putting his hand up my dress !!!!!!! …….no I am not making this up, he may as well been talking to a blow up doll for all he was caring about my side of a conversation !

I expect others have warned you about Facebook but being just stupid human apes you would not have listened.

At the end of last year I joined Facebook to try and find some people to read my blogs and hopefully buy my books  …………

….. something which I am still waiting to happen, and over the past few months it has become very obvious that facebook is full of very strange people ……………………… look trust me on this I am a vampire!

Never believe who or what they say they are: sex, age or even species.

Not that I am saying all are weird only about 95%, but in the 5% left you still do get lots of nice folks on line like the one named: “The Bone crushing death lord of the third level of hell”   who happens to be a Maths Professor from New Jersey who is happily married with two kids ……………. (Its ok John I have not told them your real name).

Sex talk ? ….ho yes you want to know about the sex talking and how to get a girl to drop her panties ….like me……………. God that is so easy to do ………… a small band of gold on my finger should do the trick in so long as it comes with some nice large diamonds, a brand new blood red sports car, my own bank account with $1 million in it, an unlimited credit card paid for by my hubby, as too getting me to drop my panties he wont know what hit him, looking at other girls?

Hell he will be lucky if he could still walk from the bedroom  ………….  I do believe in marriage for life and so I will insure him in case his life ends suddenly by forgetting my birthday.   

See I have always said I am just a normal loving vampire girl at heart………………………

Back to the sex talking well this guy we will call the BabyTurk ………….. yes it is an odd name well he is Turkish and well he sent me a pic of his dick, and no I did not ask to see it ! 12 lines into a first convo I ever had with him he sent me a pic of his dick!

Well as a girl I did what was normal with such a private thing as a pic of his dick and emailed it to all my girl friends …………….. yes guys this is normal ………….. well it is also the first one I have seen without it wearing a polo necked jumper when excited ……

…….. god do I have to spell it out no foreskin……

… normal dicks look like they are wearing collars or polo necks when excited this one was naked so a Muslim or Jewish dick ……….. I told my friends he must have just copied it from the web and they said in that case why did he copy such a small one to send me, ok her real words were:

Shit that is Small !!!!!  Amy what freaks are you talking to now !!!!!!

I sorry but I am not that experienced and besides I am hardly making a collection of photos of guys dick ……………………..well apart from that one I told you about a few months back ……………hell now he was hung like a horse ……………. No I am not joking !! it still makes my eyes water when I think of it.

My same friend says dicks without a forskin collar do not feel as good …………… less friction? I don’t know why she didn’t say …………. Well I always thought that with girls it is 90% feeling and only 10% friction to be turned on where as with guys it is 90% friction and 10% imagination.

All I can suggest to any guy that has had his dick mutilated is to slip a few elastic bands around it to make it feel normal for the girlfriend.

And as to the wonderful one sides sex talk we were having at one point he says he has seen a girlfriend of mine naked …………….. er? ………… like is that to impress me?

I have in fact seen lots of girls naked and well if this is a chat up line it needs some work doing to it ….

…..er think about it .........I see naked boobs every time take my bra off …………… after about the age of 13 the novelty begins to ware off …………..

This is more on the sort of stuff 14 year old boys say and next he will be wanting me to explain how to undo a bra, which the standard reply is ask your Mom to buy you one and practice, that is what I had to do.

Now if he were to tell me of the guys he has seen naked now that would be more interesting perhaps with pics and info like is it true that guys always stand up close to other guys when taking a piss so they can compare dick size?

Now I know of this guy as he has a bit of a repertation, but we have never talked before and he asked me to add him as a friend ……………. Well he didn’t a female did ………… er……….yes he was pretending to be a girl account, profile pic of girl etc ……..  and no I don’t know why ………….. perhaps it is a guy thing………… but to use the account for sex talking?

But that would mean he could sex talk with other guys? ……..ick………….forget it I do not even wish to think of what sort of convos he would be having with horny guys on line ……….. So any guys out on Facebook planning to do this to get a date just remember on the first date not to wear too short a skirt or you will look cheap, and only let him remove your underwear after an expensive meal.

Well him being a guy my not know the rules.

Now why am I telling you my listening bloggersphere public about this?

Well BabyTurk has been telling everyone for months how sad he was as his wife or girlfriend has just died ….. but during our chat he says it was all a lie she is alive and that he just says that in was to get girls feeling sorry for him ………….. 

Well some guys will go a long way in trying to get a girl to drop her panties, but to say this so he can get them to  to give feeling sorry for you sex ……….well I find it a bit ……….. ick …………. Don’t you?

Some of my friends say I should not tell people about this as he may get upset …………….. well all I can say is if he does not like me warning girls about him I can always publish the full convo we had ………… yes BabyTurk I did make a copy and you should think yourself very lucky I am not blogging it as your comments about how you have been taking advantage of girls on line would make very interesting reading to the girls involved ………………

As to other guys out there it is really not a good idea to brag and tell a blogger your dirty little secrets ……………….

As for the convo just because I am not blogging it for all to see does not mean I will not make it available to the girls you have listed as conquests

Look I am a vampire and not once have I said I was a nice vampire ………………… I don’t do nice …………..

Go back to the trees you sex mad apes !

Fangs Rule: A Girls Guide to Being a Vampire

Have you noticed that Newspaper headings are never fully what the article printed is about, it is all about just grabbing some ones attention with shocking words and it is a disgusting way to get readers…………..    

My page title? …..er …..well I am going to be talking about race .. and  religion ……   well……………… ok, ok, ok  just how come you think I get so many hits on my blogs! …………… My best ever Blog title for number of views so far was on I did on Buying Cleavage panties as it had a photo of a girl wearing a pair……………… huh …………… all my words of wisdom and all you guys want to do is ogle girls butts and before you start moaning about the title just think why you came to this page…..hehehehehehhe   

 

Well here I am blogging to the world about my exciting life as a real living vampire …….exciting? huh !

 

Well let me tell you it is nothing like the films …………….. before I was discovered I lived with my human aunt and life was so hard for a cold blooded bloodsucking denizen of the night ……………… like not being able to go out after dark because it is a school night ! ……………… not that I am cold blooded which was pointed out to me by a doctor when I foolishly told him I was undead ……………. Yes I now know a beating heart is a good hint of being alive …………………. But I was young ok so now shut up !!

 

Vampires come in different sorts ………Undead and Living …….well of course we do and if you want to know more then you will need to read my book!

 

As a Race of animals you humans are odd and that is ODD in capitols, it is no wonder you were put on this earth by God as a free food supply for us.

 

Human females can get pregnant and they are not even on heat !!! what sort of odd animal are they…….all females must be on heat to conceive, so to be on heat permanently just shows what a immoral species humans are!

 

Go back to the trees you sex mad apes!

 

As we vampires are so no lived we only need to come on heat once every 10 or 20 years, ho we can have sex anytime but like normal creature only conceive when on heat.

 

As vampire girls our parents notice when we start to come on heat for the first time ..er…..well you know we kinda get a little snappy with them at that time for no reason and well the bitting chunks out of doors and decapitating the postman are just extra tell tail hints…………..   

 

Normally parents just lock a girl in a padded room for a few days at this time and really cleaver ones also make it sound proof.

 

Its not funny ! as I said you humans are the odd creatures only a few weeks ago I asked a perfectly normal question on Facebook only to have all kinds of strange comments come back.

 

I mean it was such a simple question all I said was if God wanted guys to be missing a foreskin then they would have been born without one 

 

 ………………….. and if wrong about what God wants guys could end up being banded from Heaven for having a mutilated body.

 

OK lets go back a few thousand years and listen in ……….. Like there they are standing in the desert, listening to Devine commands coming down in a booming voice to the loving and devoted followers   

 

“OK WE HAVE COVERED DIET ……………….AND YES  I DID WARN YOU STOP EATING THE UNICORN ……………. YES I KNOW IT WAS TASTY BUT NOW IT IS EXTINCT AND I HAVE LOST THE DESIGNS ……………… SO NOW JUST LEAVE THE POOR PIG ALONE WILL YOU!”

 

Well that sounds all very normal but …………………. What about this

 

“I NEARLY FORGOT, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY LITTLE JOKE LAST WEEK WHEN I SAID ALL MALES SHOULD CUT A BIT OF THEIR DICK OFF……………. HO, HO, HO, ……………….. ER WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DID NOT THINK IT WAS A JOKE?! ……….. OPPS SORRY ……………

 

Now if the above has not got you all asking God to strike me down I had better finish of with a couple of word definitions for you……………..

 

PRAY, v

 

To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy

SCRIPTURES, n

The Sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Having Sex with Male Slaves and Donkeys

Having Sex with Male Slaves and Donkeys

I was told I should not talk of sex, religion and politics in my blog as it does not sell books………….. heck…….well without those headings my blogs could be very empty

Today I was asked my opinion over things like racism, …………Yee gods why  me?

I used to worry that being a blood drinking vampire and nicely dressed denizen of the night was ….well could be a little …..er………….odd sounding

But not anymore..Ever since I joined Facebook I now know I must be one of the sanest people on the planet! ………… Yee Gods are there some odd people on Facebook ……and when I say odd I mean ODD !!!!! ……………. Er…………if you are one of my friends on facebook ……….look I don’t mean you……… it is all the other we talk about when they are not on the wall.

Ho yes and some of the nicest friendliest guys can normally be found in satanic groups, do not worry about the strange demonic names they have, as most are real gentlemen when it come to chatting with girls.

So back to the subject in hand………….Talk about race?.....Like Do I really need any more hate mail? And yes I do get hate mail !!!

Some Guy on facebook I was warned about that I will not say his name ………hell I wont …………. His name is “Hass”……… he had his named account frozen by FB for harassment and bad language or so I’m told by people that know him, he said it was hacked in to and taken over by someone else well he sneaked back it with a new account he shared with another guy …..friendly er?...........

I was advised to block this new strange account after getting some very odd and colourful language ………… er that means  lots of swearing about me and my blog….

Foolishly I later unblocked him after a friend asked me to and for my troubles got a selection of page long messages almost in the form of death threat ranting on about me being a Lesbian Muslin hater and how my book should be used as toilet paper ………but not put so politely ……………….. well he could create his own dictionary of swear words …but a few when going over 4 letters could do with using a spellchecker. ……….

So it just goes to show first impressions do count ……………

Well as being an author a reputation could be damaged if this sort of crap gets beyond the FB complains dept so I may as well tell the whole world here and now and come clean:

1.     I am not a lesbian ….which could be why I blog about my lusts concerning Tall Rich Blond Guys…….sigh………..but I do not have anything against people’s sexual preferences ….

……….well unless he is a Hot looking Rich Tall Bond Guy that I then discover is Gay …………. But my reaction is more on the lines of bursting into tears over the loss of yet another possible boyfriend than any other complaint……………….. ok, ok, ok,   I admit it I do moan about one gay guy I know ……………… he keeps rubbing it in that he cooks far better than I do  ……………….. and ……so       just because it is true ……. There is no need to rub it is …………….. I would say something to him over his rudeness but ……….well ……….. I still want him to invite me around for meals!

2.     As to being a Muslin hater ……………… er…………. I think if people take a look at my past blogs I kinda treat all religions the same …………

I don’t care how devout a person says they are, or how may times they pray during the day if they then go out and kill innocent women and children in the name of any god I do not have the tendency to like them………sorry I can help it ……….  But it is them personally and not their skin color or faith ……………..

Look I will say the same to all followers of  Judaism, Christianity and Islam ………read the commandments ……

….there is no get out clause under the line saying Thou Shalt  Not Kill  ……………..

Perhaps some holy books have an extra bit added in ball point pen giving a sub clause saying that this does not cover killing people daring to eat chicken on a night of a full moon during a mouth with a R in its title ………………..

Is it just me or does anyone else worry about some of the wording, things like

You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.

COVERT?  er............ (Longing to possess), sounds like a word meaning wanting to have sex.   I can understand a God being a little pissed over someone screwing a neighbours male slave or donkey …. Well its so rude………. That’s only what you do after winning a war……… .but for the life of me I am at a loss of any perversion about people having sex with houses.......…horses maybe………well there are some lonely sad guys about but houses.............like how? .......... but then who am I to judge ….and well God says don’t do it anyway………..

So lets see what comments I get on todays blog………………..

Ho yes please take a look at the famous face Book Song :

Butt Cleavage Panties

Butt Cleavage Panties


Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh look at what I found in the section on panties for christmas fun:

We’ve been alerted to an odd new trend that frankly, I wouldn’t have even thought of if TrendHunter hadn’t pointed it out. It’s about butt cleavage, and we’re not talking about that peek of posterior you get after gaining a pound or two and pulling on those low-rise jeans. No, this is butt cleavage of a very purposeful sort.

Come on girls this is what your boyfriend will now get you for christmas ............. LOL

Click here:......... >>>>>>>>>>>>>> http://www.fangsrule.com/buy.htm