Showing posts with label Naked at Our Age. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Naked at Our Age. Show all posts

Sex After 50: The Naked Truth, new column

My latest column, "Sex After 50: The Naked Truth" quotes Naked at Our Age author Joan Price, who's about to go on a book tour, Sugar in My Bowl editor Erica Jong and more on senior sex. If you like the column, there are buttons at the top of it to spread the word - as always, that's much appreciated!



Joan Price is 67 and wants you to know that sex doesn’t stop at 50—or 60, 70 or 80 and 90!

The author of
Better Than I Ever Expected is back with a new book, Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex (Seal Press), inspired by the many readers who wrote to her asking about how to deal with issues ranging from vulvar pain to breakups, illnesses such as cancer and Alzheimer’s, as well as “dating while older,” erectile dysfunction, divorce, grief, even hiring people for sex or erotc touch. The tone of the book is supportive but realistic; Price isn’t telling seniors to expect to have the exact same kinds or frequency of sex, but instead that if you’re adaptable, sex can continue (with yourself and others) for one’s entire lifetime.

Throughout the book, Price and a series of experts such as Charlie Glickman, Lou Paget, Carol Queen, and Candida Royalle offer tips related to specific queries in concise, practical responses. Price is a big sex toy advocate as well. “When I review a sex toy on my blog, I concentrate on what it does well (or is supposed to do well!), and how well it works from a senior perspective. e.g. It shouldn’t hurt arthritic wrists; it should last as long as we need without overheating or turning itself off, and more.”


Read the whole column

Joan Price Talks About Senior Sex: the video

A few minutes ago, I shared the 1-1/2 minute book trailer video for Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. That was the quickie video.

Want to know more? Below is the 3 minute video, containing some of the same content with more background and context. I discuss some of the myths about senior sex and share why I wrote both Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex.

As I say in the video, the two books are a team: Better Than I Ever Expected celebrates the joys of senior sex; Naked at Our Age tackles the problems head-on, with advice from the best experts in the field.

Of course, I have a lot more to say about senior sex than I can cover in 3 minutes. If you'd like to bring me to your city to talk out loud about ageless sexuality, see my speech topics and please contact me.

Many thanks to Mitch Rice and Stephen Rice for helping me create this video for you!

Enjoy!



View this video in YouTube by clicking here.

Learn more about Joan's books by clicking here.

Naked at Our Age book trailer video


I am happy to share with you my new book trailer for Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex.

I'll have two videos, actually. The video below is the "quickie" version, just a minute and a half long.

Coming soon is the three-minute version, the one with a little more "foreplay" (I know, three minutes isn't enough foreplay at our age, if ever, but please humor me with this analogy). The longer version gives more of the background and context of the book. I'll post that one soon.

Many thanks to Mitch Rice and Stephen Rice
for bringing this vision to life for me!




To watch this video on YouTube, click here.

To learn more about Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, click here

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex: preview of chapter titles


I'm thrilled to announce that Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex from the fabulous publisher, Seal Press, is officially out on June 1, 2011!

Each chapter is filled with reader stories and questions, with advice from experts. Read the list of experts here, with links to their websites and books.

Take a look at the chapter titles -- and do let me know which chapter(s) you're particularly eager to read:




Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex
by Joan Price

Introduction

Foreword by Betty Dodson

Chapter 1. The Old Ways Don’t Do It Anymore!

Chapter 2. Reviving Desire

Chapter 3. Sex Toys: Now More Than Ever

Chapter 4. Together yet Alone: Is This My Marriage?

Chapter 5. Talking about Sex

Chapter 6. Off the Beaten Path: Nontraditional Sex Practices and Relationships

Chapter 7. Surviving Divorce, Breakup, Betrayal 

Chapter 8. Sex with Myself

Chapter 9. Unlearning Our Upbringing: Women’s Stories

Chapter 10. Unlearning Our Upbringing: Men’s Stories

Chapter 11. When Sex Hurts: Vulvar/Vaginal Pain

Chapter 12. Reclaiming Sexuality After Cancer

Chapter 13. Erectile Dysfunction: What Men Don't Say Out Loud

Chapter 14. Erectile Dysfunction:  Women Speak Out

Chapter 15. No Way Back: When Your Partner Has Alzheimer’s Disease

Chapter 16. Death, Grieving . . . and Then What?

Chapter 17. Sensuality for Hire

Chapter 18. DWO: Dating While Old(er)

Chapter 19. Safer Sex—Yes, At Our Age

Chapter 20. Better Now than Than Ever: the Joys of Older-Age Sex

Meet Our Experts



To purchase an autographed copy directly from me, click the PayPal "Buy Now" button below. I'll ship immediately!


You can also order now from Amazon.

If you haven't read my earlier senior sex book, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, I hope you will! It celebrates the joys of senior sex--including my spicy love story with Robert! Order an autographed copy from me here:


  Or order from Better Than I Ever Expected on Amazon. It's also available as a Kindle edition.

What did Dean Edell, Candida Royalle, Peggy Brick, and Pepper Schwartz say about Naked at Our Age?

On the back of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, you'll see glowing testimonials from Dr. Dean Edell, Candida Royalle, Peggy Brick, and Pepper Schwartz.

Due to space, those testimonials on the back had to be abridged, but here I can share the entirety of what these amazing people wrote. I'm grateful, even tearful, to see the response this book is getting already!


“At last the void is filled. Hang on, because Naked at Our Age  breaks all the barriers and goes where  ordinary books on this subject dare not….some readers may be shocked and challenged, and others delighted by this  bold, direct,  honest and completely uncensored approach.    An eye opening challenge for anyone who dares to think that sex ends at 60.   The message is clear...as far as sex in the senior years.… the best is yet to come. While this groundbreaking book will have some of you  blushing, you won’t put it down."

- DEAN EDELL MD, Emmy Award-winning host of the Dr. Dean Edell Program, and author of the best-selling book, Eat, Drink and Be Merry. (Scroll down to view Dr. Edell debunking the circumcision of African men to prevent the spread of AIDS.)



"Told through the voices of real people interspersed with great advice from smart professionals, Naked at Our Age is an important resource for anyone who wants to keep pleasure and sensuality in their lives as they move in to their later years. I especially like Joan Price’s warm and supportive tone and her ability to get people to share their stories, from which we learn a lot!"

- CANDIDA ROYALLE, Pioneer of woman-friendly erotica and author of How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do.


"Joan Price tells it like it is, 'The Old Ways Don’t Do It Anymore!' Then, with irresistible enthusiasm, she tackles all the outdated expectations and promotes a plethora of new ways to celebrate sexuality throughout the later years. Poignant quotations from seniors aged 50 to 90 illustrate the distress caused by the common sexual problems of aging. Succinct responses by professionals describe a rich variety of alternatives. 'Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex' is exactly what we do in my course, 'Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter,' so Naked At Our Age will be the perfect text.

- PEGGY BRICK, M.ED, CSE, President, Sexuality and Aging Consortium at Widener University; co-author,  Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only


"Naked at our Age is a terrific book for adults of any age-- but especially written for Baby Boomers and beyond. I loved the mix of voices- personal stories, various expert's advice- and no sugar coating anywhere- just facts, feelings, and how to have fun. There is plenty of advice - from dating to safer sex-- but most importantly, the impact of the book is as much inspirational as it is educational.  Reading this book will help women and their partners  understand their sexuality better, negotiate what they want more successfully,  and make it more likely that sex will be a comfort and thrill their whole life long."

- PEPPER SCHWARTZ, PHD  Past President of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, author, Prime: Adventures and Advice about Sex, Love and the Sensual Years


Order an autographed copy directly from me -- be sure to let me know to whom to autograph it -- by clicking the PayPal button below...




Or order from Amazon here.

=====

If you are a Dr. Dean Edell fan, as I am, you've heard his arguments against circumcision. In this video, Edell debunks circumcision as AIDs prevention in Africa:

Did you tell your story in Naked at Our Age?

I've emailed all of you whose stories appear in Naked at Our Age and all our experts about receiving a copy of the book. Several emails to my interviewees came back as undeliverable. If you should have received an email from me but didn't, please email me now with your updated address. I hope you see this!

If you aren't in the book but you sure want to read it, yes, it's available now! Read about it on my website here and in previous blog posts here.

Order an autographed copy directly from me -- be sure to let me know to whom to autograph it -- by clicking the PayPal button below...




Or order from Amazon here.

I am thrilled by the compelling reader stories and the immediately helpful advice and action tips from our experts. I know you will learn plenty and enjoy it thoroughly!

Meet the Experts of Naked at Our Age

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Senior Sex Activism: a Love Letter to My Readers

On October 6, 2005, I wrote my first blog post:

Welcome to Better Than I Ever Expected!

My book, Better Then I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty (Seal Press), will be out in January 2006. Please see here  for a description of this sassy, sexy book combining my personal story with tips and tales from lusty, sexually seasoned women.

We're proving that our society's view of older women as sexless is wrong, wrong, wrong.

I'd like to invite you --whether or not you're a woman over sixty -- to participate in discussions of ageless sexuality. Please choose a first name of your choice and your age to identify yourself, and feel free to post comments and questions regarding this hot and important topic.

To start you out, what makes sex after sixty better than you ever expected, personally?

I'd like your candid views, and I hope you'll express them respectfully so that all women will feel welcome to read and post, and won't feel they've wandered into a sleazy place. Thank you, and welcome to our community!

Joan Price

In the past 5.5 years, so much has happened, personally and professionally. Better Than I Ever Expected and I received much media attention --we still do! -- and I found myself the spokesperson for senior sex. What had started as a mission to normalize the idea of people over 60 enjoying sex and daring to talk out loud about it became a huge groundswell. I thank you for the part you played in this movement.

Thank you for making this blog a center of that movement by reading and commenting, showing other readers that we have a community of seniors and elders -- men as well as women now! -- discussing sex openly and respectfully in a manner that's welcoming even to people who are not used to discussing their sex lives.

Because of you, one book led to the next one: Men said to me, "What about us?" and both men and women said, "Great that you're celebrating senior sex, but I'm having a lousy sex life and here's my problem...." I realized that my next book needed to be aimed at both genders, and needed to address the problems and offer solutions. It also needed to include your stories, because we've never shared our stories in public before.

Our youth-oriented society may still be saying "Ick!" to the idea of people our age getting naked, loving the pleasures our bodies can give us, loving each other (wrinkles and all!) and finding ways to stay sexually vibrant whether we're partnered or not -- but society can't pretend it isn't happening!

Thank you for that. I'm honored that you've chosen to join me in talking out loud about senior sex!

Warmly,

Joan Price

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is now available! Order an autographed copy directly from me -- be sure to let me know to whom to autograph it -- by clicking the PayPal button below...




Or order from Amazon here.


As always, I invite your comments!

When Penetration Hurts: Vulvar and Vaginal Pain

One of the most helpful chapters in Naked at Our Age (coming June 2011) addresses vulvar/vaginal pain, a complex issue. You'll read real-people stories from women whose vaginal or vulvar pain prevented them from enjoying penetration, or who learned how to renew their vaginal health, plus information and direction for getting your own pain diagnosed and treated. Although you'll have to wait for the book, until then, these posts about vaginal/vulvar pain will be helpful, and here is a list of websites that offer more information and/or referrals to knowledgeable professionals:

• American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists: http://www.aasect.org/.

• American Physical Therapist Association, Section on Women’s Health: http://www.womenshealthapta.org/.

• American Urogynecologic Society: http://www.augs.org/.

• International Society for the Study of Vulvar Disease: http://www.issvd.org/.

• Mypelvichealth.org: http://www.mypelvichealth.org/

• National Vulvodynia Association: http://www.nva.org/

• OObgyn.net: http://www.obgyn.net/

• Pelvic and Sexual Health Institute: http://www.pelvicandsexualhealthinstitute.org/

• Secret Suffering: Helping Women Cope with Sexual and Pelvic Pain (patient site): http://www.secretsuffering.com/.

• Vulval Pain Society: http://www.vulvalpainsociety.org/.

• Vulvar Pain Foundation: http://www.vulvarpainfoundation.org/

• Vulvodynia.com: http://www.vulvodynia.com/

Betty Dodson at 81: "out loud and sex-proud"

Betty Dodson has influenced my thinking and my sexual self-acceptance for decades. Her 1974 book, Liberating Masturbation: A Meditation on Self-Love, morphed into Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving. At 69, Betty met a young man of 22 who arrived for a weekend and stayed ten years, inspiring Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partnersex. Her most recent book is her memoir, Betty Dodson: My Sexual Revolution, available as a Kindle edition.

Betty, with sidekick and business partner Carlin Ross, runs a website where she answers sex questions  from readers, posts articles and videos, and displays the famous Genital Art Gallery, which aims to show all of us that we're just perfect the way we are, "a research project where both women and men can share as well as appreciate the vast diversity of our magnificent sex organs."

I am deliriously happy that this icon of candid sexuality wrote the foreword to my new book, Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex! In it, she talks about how her sexuality changed through the decades, and how, at 81, she's still "out loud and sex-proud."

I have to admit it -- I got shivers when I read the latest email from Betty, where she addressed me as "Sister Warrior." It doesn't get much better than that!


(To be notified when Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is available, please email me and I'll put you on the notification list. I will not spam you, sell or share your information, or in any way abuse your trust.)

Intro to Naked at Our Age read by Joan Price

I recorded excerpts from the Introduction to Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex to share with you what it's about and why I wrote it. Listen by clicking the play button of the music player below:



Learn more about Naked at Our Age here!

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is the title of my new book that will be published by Seal Press a year from now, Spring 2011. If you've been following this blog, you've been reading about Naked at Our Age for a while as I solicited interviews from you and posted information and resources that I didn't want to make you wait for. The subtitle, though, is brand new, just finalized today. I love it -- do you?

Unless you're an author yourself, you have no idea what goes into choosing the title of a book. Many publishers just decide on their own what to title a book, sometimes without even consulting the author until it's a done deal. Seal Press, though, is an author's dream of mutual respect and collaboration, and I love working with them. My earlier book, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, was published by Seal, and they were a delight to work with, from start to finish.

We've been batting around subtitle ideas for a while, suggesting, rejecting, and tweaking -- and today we settled on the title that truly describes what's in this book.

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is a straightforward guide to the realities of senior sex -- thanks to the stories of more than a hundred seniors and elders (maybe you were one of them!) who candidly described their sex lives and relationshps -- with tips from about 30 experts for overcoming challenges and setbacks. I can't wait to share it with you!

I'm talking as if it's all written and just awaiting publication -- but it's not! I'm still writing it... and I'd better get back to that part of the job now! I just couldn't wait to share my excitement about the title. I'd love to hear your reponses.

“Endless foreplay and multiple orgasms”- she's 58, he's 68, ED no barrier

Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty While Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty celebrated the joys of senior sexuality, my new book, Naked at Our Age (coming Spring 2011 from Seal Press) concentrates on the other part -- the physical setbacks and emotional challenges of sex and intimate relationships in later life. I have more than a hundred personal stories and a bevy of amazing experts answering questions and addressing concerns.

As I work on this book, the stories keep coming. This one, from Evonne, age 58, struck me as so inspiring and joyful amid all the problems I'm addressing that I had to share it with you right away. It shows that erectile dysfunction doesn't have to be a barrier to a passionate and immensely satisfying sex life. Evonne's joy makes me happy, and I hope it does that for you, too.

My fiance (age sixty-eight) and I are in an incredible, sensual, passionate relationship. We met about a year ago. Sparks flew immediately, and we jumped full force into each other emotionally. I must say, I was quite surprised, as I didn't know I could be that passionate again, and neither did he.

He was widowed, and I was divorced after a long-term marriage where I was rather bored with sex with my ex. My new lover aroused me in ways I never felt before. Neither one of us had had many sexual experiences and were not "world wise," but what came naturally - whew! What a ride.

My lover has had prostate cancer, and so we didn't expect much sexually. He is not able to sustain an erection. But--what the man can do with his hands! Wow. He is able to give me "inside" orgasms as well as out. All I can say is endless foreplay and multiple orgasms. I just roll with it and we play for at least an hour.

I pleasure him daily also. At first it was a little weird to kiss and caress him while he was not erect. But I got over it, and he gets so much pleasure out of it and I enjoy doing it for him.

We both are enjoying being truly desired and wanted. I am slightly overweight and always felt uncomfortable about my body with my ex-husband. But, my new lover tells me often how much he loves every inch of me. What a gift to my self-esteem he has been!

We both enjoy cuddling and this is a great source of comfort and intimacy for us. We are both in shock over the pleasure this sexual relationship gives us. Of course, we are in love and I truly believe that we could only reach this level of connection and intimacy in a spiritual committed relationship. We are getting married in June.

We sleep in the nude, which I love also. We believe this greatly enhances our activity as we are always open and available to each other’s touch and arousal usually follows. We plan to cuddle and snuggle--we call it “huggle”--for many years to come!

Worst First Dates age 50+

My new book, Naked at Our Age, deals with many issues that aren't the least bit funny -- physical and emotional challenges of aging that affect your enjoyment of your sexuality. I don't joke about these issues.

But I think the dating chapter needs (and deserves) some humor. (If not there, where?) If you've dated after age 50, you're the one who can provide it.

Tell me about your worst first date as a single senior. Just a couple of sentences or so, enough to make us shudder and be glad we weren't there. Post here (I'll assume I have permission to use your worst first date anonymously in my book), or email me. Thank you!
Rescue Me, He's Wearing a Moose Hat: And 40 Other Dates after 50
Sherry Halperin filled a book with her dating disasters in her hilarious Rescue Me, He's Wearing a Moose Hat: And 40 Other Dates after 50.

I'm also interested in hearing the worst first dates you avoided by not responding to bad matches from online dating profiles and emails -- what did they say that let you know you'd rather sit alone with your cat forever than have even one coffee date with this person?

To get you started, here are a few responses I got from another site where I posted this request and from email:

1. He spent the entire dinner complaining about his ex: "She just wasn't really proactive about furthering the relationship. Women over a certain age should be confident enough to take charge!" He went on and on... about how women in general expected men to take charge of everything, pay for everything, yada, yada, yada.... I stopped answering Mr. Boring and Self-Absorbed's calls after that.


2. I lived in the heart of the gay community in a very gay-friendly city. Mr. Bible Thumper was slightly shocked when he saw two men holding hands walking down the street. "Homosexuality is an abomination against God!" he declared. Well, alrighty then -- glad we cleared that up. Being an agnostic and also the sister of a late in life lesbian, I was so not in the mood for this. I asked him what difference did it make to him? How is it any skin off your nose? "I shouldn't have to be subjected to it." Oh brother. I stopped answering Mr. Bible Thumper's calls after that....

3. This was probably my thirtieth or so date when I started computer dating in my late fifties because I had decided I didn't want to live alone anymore. This guy, who was certainly presentable, and had seemed literate and sane in our email conversations, spent the first thirty minutes of our coffee date describing his medical problems in details (all I remember, mercifully, at this point is that he had had at least two heart bypasses). He told me all his numbers: blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. On and on and on. Finally, he seemed to remember that he's supposed to show an interest in the other person, so he brightly asked: "And what about you? What are YOUR health problems?"

4. He wore slippers...enough said.

Your turn! Come on, share!

"I wish I had used condoms!"

My new book, Naked at Our Age, is filled with real stories from real seniors and elders about their sexual experiences, challenges, and attitudes.

For my Safe Sex chapter, I have several stories from seniors who are dating and having sex, don't use barrier protection and don't think they need to. I have other stories from seniors who are dating and use condoms every time with every new sexual partner.

I need to hear from people age 50-80+ who didn't use condoms and now wish they had. Maybe they had sex with someone who was dishonest about revealing sexual history, STIs, HIV status. Or they didn't ask, the partner didn't tell, and now they've contracted HIV, herpes, or some other STI. Maybe they've unknowingly infected other partners. 

If you're willing to share your story confidentially in order to help other people who think that safe sex isn't important for seniors, please email me. Thank you!

-- Joan Price

What Don't You Tell Your Partner?


As we age, our sexual needs and wishes change. What worked for us before doesn't work for us now. If you're in a relationship, what do you keep private from your partner about what would make sex more pleasurable and satisfying for you? If you're not in a relationship, what would be difficult or embarrassing to tell a new partner?

I keep reading emails and posts on online communities that I frequent from women and men over 50 who have sex and relationship questions, doubts, needs, misgivings that they don't dare talk about with their partners. Are you in this situation? If so, I need to hear from you.

As you know, I'm writing my new book, Naked at Our Age, addressing sexuality concerns of women and men age 50-80-plus. One of the many topics I'm covering is how to communicate about sex. I'm seeking your real-life story about what you're not telling your partner, what you wish you could tell (or ask), what's interfering with being completely honest about sex. If you don't have a partner, what issues would be embarrassing to bring up with a new lover?

I have knowledgeable counselors ready to advise you in my book by addressing your specific concern and offering tips for talking about intimate needs and wishes, especially when you've gone a long time in silence. If you've submitted your story, I'll make sure you'll get a sneak preview of what these experts say.

Please email me with the heading "I don't tell my partner...." I hope you'll post a comment here, but also be sure to email me so I know how to get hold of you.

Thank you!

Naked At Our Age: an invitation

I'm repeating this invitation because I know I have many new readers now:
What's stopping you from having a satisfying sex life as a senior or elder?

Four years after publication of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, I am working on my new book on senior sex: Naked at Our Age. This book will concentrate on the sexual problems and challenges we face as women and men 50 - 80+ and how to resolve them and enjoy our sexuality throughout our lives.

I invite you to submit your candid questions, problems, and real-life experiences, which will be the focus of Naked at Our Age, with commentary and tips from sex educators, therapists, physicians, couples counselors, and other valuable experts.

The problem with Better Than I Ever Expected, many readers told me, was that it was too upbeat! “My sex life isn’t ‘better than I ever expected,’” many of you wrote me, and here’s why it’s not….” You confided questions and problems and shared intimate details of your obstacles to a satisfying sex life in later life, and you continue to write to me, thank you.

That's why I'm inviting all of you to tell me which problems and issues you hope my new book will address, what experiences you'd like to learn about, and what questions you wish you could ask an expert (I'll find the right expert to answer you). Post a comment below -- instructions here if this is new to you -- or, if you'd like me to follow up with you, email me.

If you'd like a copy of the confidential interview to be a part of this new book, please email me and I'll send it right out.

If you're a sex educator or other expert in some area of senior sex, please email me if you'd like to contribute your helpful tips.

(For those of you who have emailed me questions and not heard from me -- I apologize. It seems that whatever I do to catch up, I'm always 300 emails behind. Thank you for your patience!)

Thank you for joining me in talking out loud about senior sexuality,

Joan

Naked at Our Age Facebook fan page

Do you use Facebook? I just started a Naked at Our Age Facebook fan page. Here's the idea:

As I write Naked at Our Age, I invite you to contribute your questions and viewpoints. My new book about sex & aging will include senior/elder sex stories, questions, problems, solutions. Visit the Naked at Our Age fan page, check "become a fan" and you can post comments and participate in our discussions.

I hope you'll join and speak up! Please tell your other Facebook senior/elder friends.

Grief and Loss in Joan's New Book

I'm working on my new book, Naked at Our Age, and I'm realizing the importance of including grief and loss in this book. Besides the fact that it abruptly changes then halts (temporarily or permanently) our senior sexual expression, loss is a part of love, especially at our age. Unless we're lucky (lucky?) enough to die at the same time, one of us will experience the heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, life-altering loss of the other.

Many people have asked me questions about my grief journey: other seniors and elders who have experienced loss of their beloved recently, counseling students who want to understand the raw truth of what it feels like, and friends and family who want to know how to help. My willingness to talk out loud and on the page about this, I see now, makes me a resource for others.

I never would have imagined that experiencing this grief would have some good come from it, but this is one more experience we have to learn to share. We're really not prepared for the emotional, mental, and physical changes we go through after our beloved dies. We don't know where to find help. Many of us are immobilized and don't ask for help. Our loved ones don't understand why "How are you?" is the wrong question.

So yes, I'll write a chapter or more about this in my new book, sharing my story and others' stories, with tips from grief counselors.

I'd like your help. If you have experienced loss of your beloved, either recently or in the past, and you're willing to be interviewed by email and share your experiences -- what it was like with your loved one, what it was like to lose him or her, and what has helped you reclaim your life and, if pertinent, your sexuality (because that's the theme of this book), would you please email me with "grief story" in your header, and I'll send you some questions.

Thank you.

"Booty call" at 64?

Arlette, age 64, sent me her interview questionnaire for my new book, and I'm puzzling over something. What did we call "booty call" before that term was invented? What would we seniors call it now?

Arlette is single, independent, loves her solitude, and loves sex. She has a partner who feels the same. They have great sex and good conversation, then she goes back to her life and he to his. They're not living together or dating; they're just having uncomplicated, uninhibited, and exuberant sex when they want to.

Arlette writes me that she's living her fantasies -- and I'm delighted for her. I'm just wondering if we have a term to describe the relationship that's a bit more elegant or mature than "booty call"? (She didn't call it that -- I just can't think of what to use instead.)

I know, some of you will tell me that this kind of relationship doesn't warrant an elegant or mature term, but I don't agree. If we don't do exactly what we want at our age, when will we? I'm curious to know what you think.

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