Having my Ovaries massaged and lifting my skirt to show strangers what I have to show

Being a vampire is not always as fun as it sounds as we have to mix with humans and you are so odd !!!!

As a vampire I have problems with sunlight and I will tell you of my trip to Asia to see my human relatives the ones which brought me up as an orphan until I was discovered and taken back into vampire society,  hundreds of relatives I never heard of which seams to be normal in Asia.


I do not burst into flame but get terminal acne ………….. well …..it feels terminal it may not kill me just wish I was dead, and even with 1000 percent sun block cream and dark glasses I still suffer.


Asia is hot and sunny and not a good place during the day for my species  ………….. I am good with overcast days in the West but still I am not a full day walker nor a night walker (they have better eyesight and can take cold without getting a tummy chill) So I am an overcast walker and that sounds just crap, and so I suffer………er……  but  not necessarily in silence …..so but I will tell you more as I tried to pretend to be human and fit into your world.


So a nice cool night flight and then it hit me …………….. sun light !!!!!!!

 …As I said I suffer from heat rash due to being a vampire or in my case monstrous heat bumps  …….heat lumps ….. see as a vampire I can not take sun light 3 on my left foot and two on my right a mountain of one on my lower right leg.


And the worst on my right inner thigh one that was 1 inch dia and itched like hell another 3 inches dia of puffy skin around it from me scratching.


And I was now a guinea pig for testing herbal creams by unknown relatives……………… hell I am not used to lifting my skirt for every strange distant relative to take a look at it and rub something on it such as…………. Tiger Balm ….which burns then itches again leaving you with a now big brown itchy lump.


Now you know why I said I always feel like a child in both vampire society and human society  ……………. Who else do you know would have to raise their skirt to let a person one has never seen before …….. and without a doctors degree look up your skirt and make comments………….. Hell ok they say they are a relative …. But ………..oh embarrassing and ………. Well ……..there is me thinking daily that that I must wear my best underwear and perhaps should iron them first ……….  as I do not know who will want to look up my skirt today ! what ever society I live in I still feel like a child !

Like the day I sat on a chair that must have had some oil on it as it left a damp looking stain and my Aunt asked if I have had an accident !!! no it is oil!  see it is not drying !!   what frigging idiot would leave oil on a seat ?  

And then the time we had a short trip up to Siam I had a massage in my hotel from by a woman a foot taller than me and at least 40 ……………

Siam all over body Massaging should be relaxing it was not! ………… First no one told me an all over body massage was really all over and that I had to be naked!    Like why as the bits I would like to cover are bits that I do not want to be massaged, it is just like school …its aright you are all girls together  …………. Soooooooooooo  …………. Just because I have the same body parts I don’t have any urge to show them off ……….. besides at school I used to get so many comments about my bust …………… I’m Asian ! So I don’t look like a milk cow, but it is normal for my race !!    

It is common in Asia to have Breast enlargement massage at a look if you do not believe me .........and no I did not try it ............. why pay for that when any guy would do it free .............

asian breast massage

With the full body massage It is all bending, turning and rubbing, and foot stretching which means her putting a foot between my legs ………….. ok more like just a heel but just where my ovaries are ------the heel holds the leg in place for the foot stretching.

And it did not help when I was told it is very good for girls to be rubbed there as it helps make them more fertile !!!!  WHAT is it she is trying to do to me  ------- no way do I want my ovaries spiting out eggs daily.

I don’t know about being more fertile but the dull ache it left behind made me feel that I had been kicked in the groin.

Things on my list of not to do again is to have my ovaries massaged !………I still ache when I think of it ….. and the time she spent massaging my inner thighs and bottom made me think that a visit to a gynecologist would be less invasive.

Look I am sure people never believe what I say so take a look here:

Thai Massage Videos - 

As to being fertile I had already been flicked with holy water by a bald headed little old cross legged monk in yellow robes when I gave him a donation ………which then I was also told by another monk would help make me fertile when I married………. Just what is all this about me and my eggs? ………….

……………… As a single girl lack of fertility is not something I have need to worry about  …………… it has now just got me so worried ………… so any guy taking me out can forget about anything more than a kiss and as to him wearing a rubber …………. Yes a full neck to feet rubber wetsuit under his clothes even on a dinner date ………I am not taking any chances I am sure that little old monk winked at me ……….

You humans do not and I repeat do not live a normal LIFE !!!!!

I for one vampire will now going to stay in the West!

The next sexy massage I have must to be done by a naked guy! and preferably on his private schooner somewhere in the Caribbean. 

Pantie-less Vampire v the squat toilet

Look just because the movies don’t show that Vampires have normal bodily functions it does not mean they don’t have them………… let me give you a hint a vampire bat after a meal relives itself ok …..now then why do you think that after 8 pints of blood I would not like to do the same thing?

My trip to SE Asia this year gave me lots of problems ………..dont so much as finding blood but how to get rid of it afterwards ………..just listen:

Your Panties are griped tightly in your hand and your skirt clenched between your teeth and they say this is a holiday!

There comes a time when you can no longer cross your legs and when a girls got to go a girls got to go ………….

How To Use a Squat Toilet

Mastering Squat Toilets: Toilet Paper Necklace -- Female Travel Underground

But when in SE Asia just try and keep your legs crossed a bit longer as the toilets are so not good news for a nice vampire girl brought up in the west ………..

I got myself a nice light long flowing cotton dress to try and keep cool in and also hide the heat lumps …………. No not heat rash but heat lumps ………anything over 2inch dia is a lump ………it is also red and itches like  ****   ……

Look I’m a vampire and so even with 100% sun block I still suffer from the sun………….. No I am not the sort that catch fire ! I’m the sort slowly turns into one giant heat lump ……..

Culture shock

The toilets are PRIMATIVE ………yes very primitive …… a concrete room with stalls and flies lots and lots of flies……er did I say lots of flies…….. Each stall has a hole in the ground ………which looks like an entrance to hell……..and the floor is wet very wet …….this is due to the hose pipe which is attached to a tap in the wall and which is constantly running ……………. No toilet paper ……………you use a water hose pipe and fingers to wash yourself !!!!! YES IT IS TRUE ! You stick a cold water hose pipe between your legs !!!

As to no toilet paper a lot of the stalls don’t have doors !!!

Yes I know I have a cute Butt …..Well I have been told…………. Mostly by men over 60 that wink when they say it ………yuck……and men with odd tattoos on building sites………. but at least it is noticed……. But I am used to putting my cute butt down on a seat ………………Of course I can squat …..I am female and all females can squat but ….well I have two legs but you don’t see me taking part in the Olympics!

Well the floor is soaking wet as I said very wet so I remove my panties……………. Yes well with my sense of balance it is best not to tie my knees together while squatting over a hole in a very wet floor, now is it! ………………

And I am wearing a long cotton dress ………….. and the floor is soaking wet …and I am hoping just from the hose pipe…………… soooooooooo how not to get the dress wet ?……… time is running out as I am getting so desperate I may even risk standing up but that could make the dress even wetter…………

I have a bright idea …..I grab the front of the dress, pull it up to my face and grip it between my teeth…………..

Thank god they don’t have CCTV ………………

So there I am A blood sucking Denizen of the night ergo A VAMPIRE !  squatting over a hole in the ground with my dress clenched between my teeth and my panties safely in my hands.

Then is the problem of working out how to use the hose pipe to clean yourself……………. How the heck was I to know that in a hot county the water was so ..so  .so.  very cold …………. And yes I discovered that by pointing it somewhere delicate !!!!!! ............. delicate and now dripping wet and very cold!!

I am sure such things should be banned under the UN as a torture technique ………..if you did not want to take a piss before you would now !!

And without tissue paper how do you dry yourself? ……………. Well you don’t !  ……….. you have just put a cold water hose pipe between your legs and you are now …..well ………..how can one put it …er……your personal rainforest is kinda dripping…..so I put my panties back on and …..yes before you ask it does feel like you have wet yourself..

Look I asked afterwards and I was told this is normal …NORMAL !!!!!!!!!!  now just who would have put it about that it is normal to do that ! stick a hosepipe of cold water between your legs and then have to walk around like that …er damp……….you can’t even sit down for fear of leaving a damp patch.

Now this is why Vampires live in the West !!!!

A Bra and Thong? No I'm Wearing Sexy Helsing Underwear

Hi Its Summer and you can tell by the warmer rain  ………….so ……….all good vampire girls take a look inside the wardrobes to see what can look good when the weather gets better for an innocent (cough, cough ) walk in the night air.…………so having a look at my bullet proof vest ……or should I use the correct term Body armour………...yes of course I have one !!!!! …….silly!...............a girl has got to be prepared hasn’t she………….

No it is not like the big things you see on TV that say CNN along with the words Press on them in large letter just so people from Fox News know who to shoot at……(a joke before they sue me) …. When they say they fight for the stories it is True!!

The press ones look so thick they could stop a tank shell and makes the reporter look fat ……..they come in media camouflage colours which means Black with large letters in white saying TV ………..PRESS ……………..  So if a rival new company does not get you then it will be the government troops or rebel forces that will. 

Mine is unisex and I got it before I found out about wearing sexy Helsing underwear ………….. er……….. Want to know about my underwear?  ……….hhehehehehe    …………. Then you should have read my book! …..some of it is illustrated ….heheheehehe

It is unisex and white and fits under the clothes ……….. White …..ok so its brilliant white… my idea is that you can take it off and wave it to surrender ………but no they say it is to make it not noticeable ! …..

…...NOT NOTICEABLE !!!!  well if you were wearing an overcoat then maybe ……….. but it is big thick and flattens ones boobs, not hard to do in my case but still, so extremely flattening but not in a nice way   ………….. It is held on with Velcro’s straps and buckles, the inner layer is breathable with lots of holes to stop one sweating in it………….

Sorry my Aunt always says girls do not sweat ………….. Horses sweat ………Men perspire and Women glow……………. So when I try it on in the summer I am glowing like a Horse………….. er………………the armour plating comes out via zip pockets and you can wash the jacket on a low setting if it gets too smelly.

And just because it says Designed for Comfort on it does not mean it is ……and besides if I wanted something designed for comfort it would be a bra and not body armour!……to put it on it goes over the head and the straps tie it together …………….ok  ok .so once it is on its ok…………. It’s just that I no longer look like a girl …if I was a little flat before…..I am now very FLAT …far flatter than any sports bra and without the advantage of looking like you are at least trying to get fit.

FBI agents may be able to put a jacket over it but I suggest a jumper that way you can try and put a tissue stuffed bra over it to give you back some sort of famine shape………….. er………. it is heavy ……… the weight is taken by the shoulders but it is still heavy .

I am told it is good against knife attacks and can take up to a 9mm bullet………. Huh as it I’m going to test it out by standing anywhere some is shooting at me ! …………… it may not be comfy but heck you try sticking a stake in me and you will soon discover that this girl is one smart cookie ………………

Humans are so stupid at times ………look we have seen all the horror films just like you have …………..and we know about how you want to kill us …………..

Hell he will have one silly look on his face after trying to stake me! …………..

er………well not for long as the mention of stake always makes me hungry…………..and ho just look I have now found my evening meal standing in front of me with a blunt stake and a silly look!

…………………. Human = Stupid ………………..

Want to see Panties with bite?
then look at this:.

http://www.myspace.com/avelinademoray/photos/19712545#%7B"ImageId":19712545%7D

Bad Ass Body Armor

Liquid Bullet-Proof Armour

Ultraviolet Trailer

As a Vampire I did not plan to find lifting up your skirt to everyone is normal!

As a Vampire I did not plan to find lifting up your skirt to everyone is normal!

Being a vampire is not always as fun as it sounds as we have to mix with humans and you are so odd !!!!

As a vampire I have problems with sunlight and over the next few weeks I will tell you of my trip to Asia to see my human relatives the ones which brought me up as an orphan until I was discovered and taken back into vampire society,  hundreds of relatives I never heard of which seams to be normal in Asia.

I do not burst into flame but get terminal acne ………….. well …..it feels terminal it may not kill me just wish I was dead, and even with 1000 percent sun block cream and dark glasses I still suffer.

Asia is hot and sunny and not a good place during the day for my species  ………….. I am good with overcast days in the West but still I am not a full day walker and so I suffer………….. but I will tell you more over the next few weeks as I tried to pretend to be human and fit into your world.

So a nice cool night flight and then it hit me …………….. sun light !!!!!!!

 …As I said I suffer from heat rash due to being a vampire or in my case monstrous heat bumps  …….heat lumps ….. see as a vampire I can not take sun light 3 on my left foot and two on my right a mountain of one on my lower right leg.

And the worst on my right inner thigh one that was 1 inch dia and itched like hell another 3 inches dia of puffy skin around it from me scratching.

And I was now a guinea pig for testing herbal creams by unknown relatives……………… hell I am not used to lifting my skirt for every strange distant relative to take a look at it and rub something on it such as…………. Tiger Balm ….which burns then itches again leaving you with a now big brown itchy lump.

Now you know why I said I always feel like a child in both vampire society and human society  ……………. Who else do you know would have to raise their skirt to let a person one has never seen before …….. and without a doctors degree look up your skirt and make comments………….. Hell ok they say they are a relative …. But ………..oh embarrassing and ………. Well ……..there is me thinking daily that that I must wear my best underwear and perhaps should iron them first ……….  as I do not know who will want to look up my skirt today !!!!   

You humans do not and I repeat do not live a normal LIFE !!!!!

Gifts of Days of the Week Panties

Gifts of Days of the Week Panties

Just because I am a vampire it does not mean I don’t do girl shopping and now with 24hr shopping vampires can join in searching for bargains in the new year sales during the hours of darkness.

Took my maid BAMBI with me as I and still not allowed out un chaperoned,  I have told you about her before she is a turnling ……….ex-human ……….. like shes Undead ok what humans think all vampire are, fangs and boobs……….. never ageing and with a hair style that stays looking perfect even in a force 10 gale…. Makes you sick don’t it............... er well nearly .......... You have the same hairstyle as on the day you died and Bambi ........... well Bambi was gonig to have her hair done the next day.............. er .............too late.......... her picture is below: 

Why called Bambi? …….well she says it was because she was conceived during a Walt Disney film of the same name in a drive in theatre and who am I to question that, if it has to be anywhere then during a drive in Walt Disney film is as good a time and place as any. 

Any way she loves going shopping as it means freedom from the nest for a few hours, plus she like the way I leave my purse on full display on top of the shopping waiting for some guy to snatch it and run off  …………….. it is always so much fun to build up an appetite chasing ones lunch and I let her join in, it is a rush as we cant be seen eating in public so we both spend the rest of the time shopping trying not to burp.

Thinking of things as we shop took my mind to a gift I had recently from my Aunt……. As I was complaining about all my underwear having small pink bats on them she got me a pack of something called Collage Girl Specials…………….. A pack of 5 panties with days of the week on them …………….. Er…………. Why five? ……….what am I to do on Saturday and Sunday!!!  …………….

As to why have days of the week on them………...What is the point? ……….. if I don’t know what day it is I will ask someone and not life up my skirt to check !!!!!!!!!

If the manufactures wanted to be really helpful then they would print numbers and do a pack of 31 as knowing days of the month is far more useful to a girl than knowing days of the week! …………

BAMBI

All men like looking up girl’s skirts, just why do Japanese make a film industry out of it?

All men like looking up girl’s skirts, just why do Japanese make a film industry out of it?

I am looking at P for Panties in my book FANGS RULE a girls guide to being a Vampire but have got a little carried away thinking about it ………

Japanese anime girls are famous for showing off their underwear and for having larger boobs than real Japanese girls!  Look guys real girls would have trouble even standing up if they were like the girls in the film Divergence Eve, heck they could take someone’s eye out when they turn around!

Divergence Eve click here http://www.blogger.com/goog_1245692773

I am already a little sensitive with my bust size without seeing this sort of thing!

Najica Blitz Tactics and this is for children! click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_ZMmpd7CFs

I like anime films and watch a lot and there is a lot of dark stuff suitable for a vampire of taste just think of Elfen Lied

Going back to Japanese men and panty shots has anyone seen NAJICA Blitz Tactics, I will try to attach a youtube trailer and  ………….

Ok a competition the first person to tell me the correct number of pantie shots visible in this trailer for the film will win a free copy of my book FANGS RULE a girls guide to being a Vampire !!!

OK go and have fun guys ………………….

………………….. I mean it please explain why Japanese men are so into girls panties?

Walking around without Panties (Butt Naked)

Walking around without Panties (Butt Naked)

At last I have found something for U in my book ‘FANGS RULE a girls guide to being a vampire and that is U for underwear, if you believe Hollywood all female vampire walk about commando style, in other words butt naked and that is so such a load of crap!

No where in the rule book does it say that female vampires have to go walking around without panties it is just a male fantasy ok so forget it! Besides our underground home is so cold in winter only a masochist would risk getting their butt frost bitten!

My Aunt has been a vampire for hundreds of years and she wears big baggy bloomers which were last in fashion over 100 years ago. As to my Uncle he wears long johns under his business suit and he still believes that a long black cloak with a red lining is highly fashionable!

As to males, going around commando, why? What the point? Who can see what is under the pants? And as to walking about naked, welllllllllll someone should point out that it is sooooo not a good idea as it is not sexy, boy bits are fine if the boy stands still, but as the bits do not move in time with the rest of the body when he walks and so looks funny, they have yet to work out that when girls in the past fainted in shock at seeing a boys dangly bits it was only to stop themselves bursting out laughing!     

P.S. the little pic advert from Amazon at the top left of this page is of my book coming out in 2011, FANGS RULE a girls guide to being a vampire