Love Ranch - Helen Mirren deserves better

I had great hopes for Love Ranch, a film that takes place in a brothel, starring the beautiful, talented, and sensual 65-year-old Helen Mirren as the madam. Hurray, I thought, Mirren is playing a sexy, older woman. I heard that her character had steamy sex with a man decades younger -- go, Helen!

The film started slowly -- plodded, actually, though I laughed and applauded when Mirren's character's husband, played by Joe Pesci, challenged her, "Who do you think you are, the Queen of England?" Mirren is beautiful despite mostly conservative clothing and smudged lipstick, and the closeups of wrinkles made me happy that yes, finally, an older woman is being celebrated without trying to hide her age.

The film is based on a true story about the first legal brothel in Reno, Nevada. The script isn't worthy of Mirren. It's hackneyed, predictable, and not all that interesting. In fact, I have the movie on "pause" right now, minutes from the end, dreading the obvious finale.

There is one brief but steamy sex scene, all too short (hey, she's an older woman -- let's take our time!), which seems thrown in so that people would be shocked by the show of passion between a young Argentine boxer (actor Sergio Peris-Mencheta) and a woman more than twice his age. Peris-Mencheta didn't strike me as sexy or appealing, and she deserved more -- both as a sensual woman and as an actress.

It's astonishing to me that the director, Taylor Hackford, is Mirren's husband. That's likely the reason she agreed to do Love Ranch. It certainly wasn't the flaccid script.

See a trailer here. The film is available from Netflix.

Orgasm Inc.: stunning expose of drug for fake disease

I just saw the film Orgasm Inc. You must see it. It's a powerful expose of the medicalization of female sexuality, specifically the development and marketing of female sexual enhancement drugs based on a made-up "disease": Female Sexual Dysfuncton (FSD).  The "disease" was created by drug companies so that they could sell drugs and procedures that have not been proven to work and have not been proven safe!

Filmmaker Liz Canner was hired by one of these drug companies, and what she learned was so apalling that she went on to make this expose. I was stunned by it. Some of the reviews call it funny. Though there were some hilarious moments, the aftertaste isn't funny.

How did the drug companies invent a disease? They asked women questions designed to unearth if they ever had trouble becoming aroused or reaching orgasm (duh, who hasn't?) and labeled those dysfunctional who said yes to any of the questions. Although women's sexual responses are complex and based on relationship, health, energy, worries, other medications, and emotional issues as well as physical function, these issues were neither addressed nor ruled out.

The result: a new dysfunction and a drug to address it, both of which were then promoted by highly paid health "experts" on TV news and talk shows. I'm itching to name a visible, well-known "expert" who -- although she denied any financial interest in the drug -- was paid $75,000 a day for her media appearances on Oprah and other shows. You'll see her identified in the film.

Below is one video clip -- see the official trailer here (I couldn't embed that one).



6/7/10 update: When I wrote this post a few days ago, Orgasm Inc. was available on Amazon, and today when I checked it, it has disappeared from the listings. This is odd indeed. I'll keep checking for its return.  It is listed on Netflix, but the available date is unknown, as a reader commented. How frustrating -- I really want you to be able to see it. I'll update the info when this changes -- keep checking back.

Cloud 9: German film takes risks portraying senior sex and love

Cloud 9 (Wolke Neun) is a 2008 German film about a woman in her sixties, in a routine but loving (and sexually dynamic) marriage of 30 years. Inge, a seamstress, falls first in lust and then in love with a 76-year-old man. This film, winner of several prestigious awards, is slow-paced, full of raw emotion, and -- are you sitting down? -- filled with one charged sex scene after another. 

Inge (brilliantly acted by Ursula Werner) has sex with her husband (Horst Rehberg), with herself, and several times with her lover (Horst Westphal). The film is graphic by US standards -- you see all three characters' naked bodies, both during lovemaking and just standing or sitting. The film seems to say, "These are the bodies we wear all day, so what's the big deal? Why hide them?" The sex scenes are tender and erotic, and I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed them.

I have to applaud this film, not only for its refreshing and realistic treatment of senior sex and love, but because they didn't make Inge an aging sex bomb. Rather, she's a plain, frumpy woman with a chunky body and pendulous breasts, who sings in a choir and never seems to comb her hair. She's not beautiful by any means, but she is radiant when she's sexually turned on -- which happens throughout the film -- or laughing.

I'm skirting around the plot details because I don't want to spoil it. Please see it. I welcome your comments (but please don't give away the ending.)
You won't find this film in your local movie listings, but Netflix has it, and so does Amazon. Hurray.

A Single Man

A Single Man is a stunning, moving, unforgettable film. Most of the action is psychological and internal, the turmoil of the main character, George Falconer, a 52-year-old British college professor in Los Angeles, played brilliantly by Colin Firth. Jim, George's lover of 16 years, has just died, and George's grief must stay as closeted as his sexual orientation. It's 1962.

The film opens with George coming upon the lifeless body of Jim in the snow beside the car wreck that killed him. George kisses Jim's cold lips softly, and the camera lingers on Jim's vacant eyes. We learn later that this scene is fantasy -- not only did George never see the dead body of his lover, he wasn't permitted to attend the funeral, which was "only for family."

George and Jim had been a committed couple for 16 years. Despite the constant reminders that this was 1962 -- the Cuban crisis, the fashions and hair styles, the cars -- I couldn't help comparing the mores of the times with today's. Although George would not have to be closeted today at work or socially, he still would not have been permitted to marry Jim in most states -- including mine, California (the passage of Prop. 8 is a fact I still find unbelievable).  Jim's family still could have held his funeral without George.

A Single Man takes place over the course of one day, supplemented by flashbacks.George is planning his suicide as neatly as he has lived his life: He sets out the suit he wants to be buried in, writes letters to the few people in his life who matter, cleans out his office, buys ammunition for a gun, and experiments with different positions for doing the deed.

Life interferes with his plans -- people, really, but I dont want to reveal more. I've read several reviews, and I have to warn you that although the reviewers avoid spoiling the ending, the online commenters have no such compunction. I advise you to see the movie before learning how it ends.

Although this is clearly Colin Firth's movie, other actors deserve recognition: Julianne Moore who plays Charley, his best friend, who is still trying after all these years to get him in bed again (they tried it, before Jim); Matthew Goode, the appealing Jim in flashbacks; Nicholas Hoult, a beautiful young man, a student of George's who yearns to connect with George.

A Single Man was directed and co-written by  Tom Ford and was based on the novel by Christopher Isherwood, which I'm now eager to read.

If you're looking for fast action and flashy scenes, A Single Man isn't for you. It's a film for people who are willing to watch, absorb, listen, and feel. I loved it.


View the trailer:

Seniors like oral sex... this is a surprise?

Oh, dear. I'm reading reviews of Play the Game, which I reviewed here. I didn't like the movie, but it certainly isn't shocking, amazing, or icky that it portrays elders having sex, wanting to have sex, and enjoying the experience. Yet in the reviews that are popping up in blogs and mainstream media now, the reviewers (guess their ages!) can't believe they're watching Andy Griffith receive oral sex, for example. At what age do they want their genitals to go forever off limits, I wonder.

Even more shocking, says a press release from both Play the Game and Eons.com, is a recent survey conducted by eons.com of 3,500 people age 50+, which revealed that "Among those in relationships, 55% of seniors over 70 have oral sex at least once in a while."

Well, sure! The number is probably low because of bad backs, necks, and knees that require creative solutions for minimizing discomfort, especially for the extended lovemaking that we enjoy. Or maybe many of the other 45% weren't telling the truth.

The release continued,

A surprising 35% of surveyed seniors age 70+ reported they have oral sex "often" or "very often." Even more shockingly, the survey found that 71% of the over-50 crowd still masturbate, either by themselves or with a partner.

Do I laugh or cry? What's "surprising" or "shocking" about that survey, except that the numbers aren't higher?

But I get it. The release is designed to pull attention to the movie and the survey, and it's accomplishing both by playing on the "ick factor," as I call it. A clever promotion -- though I don't like it.

Can't we just stop being cagey, shocked, or giggly and just talk about senior sex in a candid and respectful way?

Hip Hop, Elder Style

Elders dancing -- nothing unusual about that... unless they're in a senior hip-hop team performing for the New Jersey Nets' basketball fans! In Gotta Dance, 12 women and one man, age 60 to 83, make it through auditions and train like crazy to memorize and execute hip-hop moves from coaches the age of their granddaughters. (In fact, some of them are their granddaughters.)

They work, they learn, they laugh, and then they dance with their hearts, bodies, souls, and soles -- their ages worn proudly as the numbers on their jerseys. View the trailer here.

Of course, since this blog is about sex and aging, I had to ask the NetSational Seniors how their hip-hop habit affects their sex lives. They were a bit coy, willing to tell me just this much:

Audrey, age 60, who used to lie about her age: “It releases tension.”

Claire, age 63, who competes in ballroom dancing with a 27-year-old dance partner: “Dancing is a physical, sensual experience. Dancing does something for my ego. I love when I leave the dance floor and young guys say, ‘you still got it girl.’”

Deanna, age 65: “The problem is right now there is no time for sex. Want to know why? Cause all we do is dance. We practice, then perform, then practice some more to get our routines to where they need to be.”

A dancer who goes by "Anonymous": “I think dancing hip hop makes me feel freer with my body and makes me feel sexier. I think that transfers to my relationship with my partner. When you are freer with your body it is therefore easier to express your sexuality.”

When I pressed for more details, the dancers declined through their publicist. Probably they were too busy dancing to check out this blog and they suspected I had a perverse -- even perverted -- interest in their sex lives. No, I just know how dancing does enhance sexuality, like "Anonymous" said, and Robert and I certainly discovered.

You may not be in the shape or mood to dance hip hop, but I hope I can convince those of you who don't know the joy of dancing to jump up and try it. Whatever dance style appeals to you, give it a try.

My contemporary line dancers range in age from 9 to 80+, and everyone has a great time. We all have our physical issues (most of us of a certain age wear ankle braces or knee braces, some have had hip or knee replacements, heart attacks, strokes, and all those maladies that befall our age group eventually). I dance with a permanently damaged ankle, and right now I'm babying my back, which is threatening to spasm over the number of body rolls I did teaching my classes Sunday and Monday.

So sometimes we modify the moves when we need to, or take a break (grrrr), and then we come back to class and share the exhilaration of moving joyfully in our bodies.

Don't "Play the Game": movie review

You'd think that a lively movie about elders dating and having sex (or wanting to) would be just the kind of film I'd applaud. I did applaud the idea of Play the Game when I first heard about it -- until I actually viewed it. Maybe I'm just too sensitive about senior sex, but I found this film neither funny nor instructive. In fact, I found it cringe-worthy for these reasons:

1. The whole premise of the movie is that widowed Grandpa Joe(Andy Griffith), living in a retirement community, is lonely but doesn't know how to play dating games, while surrounded by women, one of whom (Doris Roberts) he'd like to date, and another (Liz Sheridan) who wants to seduce him. Grandson David (Paul Campbell) takes the old man under his wing and teaches him to manipulate women.

We're led to think that Grandpa will end up reversing roles and educating Grandson about how to stop playing games and communicate honestly, respect women, and create meaningful relationships -- something Grandson has been unable to do in his own life. But (spoiler alert:) the opposite happens. We learn that the object of Grandson's affections (Marla Sokoloff) has been manipulating him more than he's been manipulating her, and has taught her grandmother (Roberts) to do the same. There, I've ruined the ending for you and you don't have to go see it.

The characters all deserve each other.

2. One of the so-called hilarious incidents is Liz Sheridan as an elder seductress crushing Viagra into a glass, adding wine, and giving it to her seductee without telling him what's in the glass. This is such a horrible, dangerous idea that I couldn't suspend my reality check long enough to laugh at the predictible results.

"It's a miracle!" exclaims our re-energized and rising hero. It wouldn't have been a miracle if he had been on heart medicine -- it would have been a death scene. How funny is that? You can view this scene online and decide for yourself.

If you must see this (and I don't recommend it, unless you want to see if you agree with me), please take a teenager with you and plan a long talk afterwards to debunk everything you saw. Otherwise, your teen might see it on his/her own and believe the dating advice aimed at both young folks and seniors.

My verdict: Ick, skip it.

Love and Lust with Bill and Desiree

Bill and Desiree: Love is Timeless is a remarkably tender and realistic erotic documentary about senior sex from Comstock Films. Bill and Desiree are in love, and as erotic as their lovemaking are the heart-to-heart gazes they give each other, the intertwined fingers, the way Bill's hand lightly grazes Desiree's breast as they talk to the camera, the gentle corrections they make to each other's stories.

She looks in her 50s, he in his 60s, and their love is fresh and tender after 3-1/2 years together. They are buoyantly, joyously, agelessly sexual together, laughing as they make love, reveling in their connection. Much of the documentary is interview -- we hear how they met, where they first made love, why they love each other, and how important sex is to both of them. The commentary is interspersed with flashes of their sexual activity.

Then, done talking, they make love... for a long time. The lovemaking is clearly genuine, no "money shots" for the camera or fake screams or bouncing boobs. Instead, we see Bill give Desiree several orgasms with fingers, mouth, and toys before getting to the main course. Although we see every body part close up, we tend to focus on the love and joy in their faces (or at least I did) more than their delightfully frisky genitals.

I liked how unlike traditional porn this film is. This is an aging couple -- sexy, playful, and in love. They have body hair. They use lubricant. They make eye contact. He is dashing with his salt-and-pepper hair and fit body, and the softness of his caresses matters much more than the age spots on his hands. (She looks great, too, but I confess I spent most of my time watching him.)

Have you viewed this film or others like it? I hope you'll comment.

Boynton Beach Club film review

Boynton Beach Club is a movie featuring – finally! – realistic 60+ people experiencing truthful emotions of living in our later decades: grieving, wanting love and touching, distressed about how our older bodies look and act (or don't act), wanting and fearing to start a relationship after a devastating loss, and finally hurtling towards sex and love with a new person – or being content alone for now.

The film offers enough provocative topics to spice up an after-film discussion with a date or pals and terrific acting from an ensemble cast, especially Len Cariou and Brenda Vaccaro as the latest members of the Boynton Beach Bereavement Club. That's right – the "club" of the title is a social club for people who have recently lost their spouses.

These seniors are in touch with the modern age. Lois (Dyan Cannon) and Donald (Michael Nouri) go inline skating on their second date. Marilyn's husband is run over by a woman chattering on a cell phone. Marilyn (Brenda Vaccaro) invites her friends to watch a porn video she found in her deceased husband's file drawer. Harry goes online to find dates (and lies about his age and the color and profuseness of his hair).

There are also enough cliches to annoy me, though: women who can't drive, men who can't cook, female vamps who descend on new widowers with tuna casserole and invitations, and of course the obligatory scene of a man buying Viagra from a loud and indiscreet drugstore clerk.

I was disappointed when the first kissing and groping scene of the movie involved the best looking, youngest looking and slimmest couple: Dyan Cannon and Michael Nouri. How Hollywood, I thought, to reserve lust for the babe and the hunk of the group.

I was pleasantly surprised to see lust and sex revisited with Jack (Len Cariou, with a realistic paunchy belly) and Sandy (Sally Kellerman). An especially touching moment was when Sandy bared her breasts, and Jack recoiled. She thought he found her aging body ugly; it was actually because he was still grieving for his wife ("my best friend and companion for 45 years") – it was just too soon for him. The sweetest moment for me was when Jack shyly asked Sally, "Could we just cuddle?"

Boynton Beach Club is a comedy, but I'll remember the moments of emotional authenticity over the tired, cheap jokes ("Whatever you wear, evey man in the place will be drooling." "Big deal. Most of them are already drooling."). We all want to love and be loved, touch and be touched, and we all crave (and sometimes fear) the act of giving ourselves – mind, spirit, and body -- to another person. This movie made me happy to see our human emotions portrayed honestly – those human emotions that don't change just because we've got wrinkles in front of us and decades behind us