Mr. Evasive and the date that didn't happen

A year ago, I knew I wasn't ready to date yet (see grief posts), but I wanted to start getting social and meet new people. I was planning a week in New York City for a conference, so I decided to explore finding a few dates for my time there.

I joined OK Cupid and perused the NYC options. I emailed several.

Most weren't interested in meeting with someone from across the country who wouldn't be a relationship possibility, but a couple were intrigued. I ended up meeting one man for a gym workout and a walk. (Tthat's my kind of date!) There were no sparks between us, but it was pleasant.

What I really want to tell you about is the date I did NOT have. I'll call him Mr. Evasive.

Mr. Evasive's profile was appealing and we had plenty in common -- both writers, dancers, teachers, readers, exercisers. We had a jaunty exchange of emails, and finally agreed to meet during my trip. But he never gave me his real name (just his handle) or his phone number. Whoops. I kept asking.

Finally, I'm in NY and he's emailing me plans for our meeting. I replied that he still hadn't told me his full, real name, and that was a prerequisite for meeting.

He admitted that his profile was not completely honest. He shrouded anything identifiable because he needed privacy -- he was "sort of famous" in his profession. He suggested that we meet in at Grand Central Station and he would produce ID and let me phone his workplace for confirmation. But only after we meet in person.

Here are excepts from his long response:

• I am older than my stated age.
• I'm better looking and better educated than I present myself, and younger in ways that matter.
• I am on a site that any felon can get on with any gender age or whatever, looking for ID's to steal.
• What you write includes fun, instructive, examples of stories from real people. I do Not want to be one, OK?

My response? Exactly what you'd expect:

No, it's not okay that you won't give me your name until we meet (that's completely against my personal requirements for dating, even for dating once). No, it's not okay that you tell me you've posted lies but I should believe you. And I'm a professional writer who writes personal experience, so I don't agree not to write about you if we meet. I think it's best not to meet after all.

Now I'm planning another trip to NY in July -- should I try again?

Saying "No" with Class: Rejections I've Liked

I thank you for the positive response to my Dating Advice for Men Over 50. My dabbling in online dating continues to be interesting, often funny, sometimes frustrating when the dating sites seem to ignore my criteria when announcing with great fanfare that they've found a match for me.

As I've said earlier, I'm going into this to expand my social life and meet good men who might become friends, or provide an hour of interesting conversation, or stimulate me to pursue a deeper relationship -- or just remind me why I enjoy my single life. I'm not earnestly seeking a soul mate or looking to get married. This gives me the advantage of being able to take this whole process lightly, and my day is not ruined by a rejection or by the paucity of applause-inducing matches.

Sometimes I read a profile that leaves me saying, "Wow! I'd like to know this person!" and I send an e-note expressing why his profile interested me. Occasionally my interest is returned, but that's rare (I'm not sure why). Usually I'm ignored. I really like it, though, when the recipient of my interest sends me a polite "No, thank you."

To encourage you to do this, here are some of the nice ways I've been turned down:

•     Thanks for the note and kind comments. My age range is general, like any sensible man would say, but it can be a factor. Equally, if not more, important, is the geographic range. While I know that your city is not on the other side of the moon [comment from Joan: we live about 40 mi. apart], it is too far for me at this point of this odd online dating process. I have tried the long distance relationship a few times, and each time, it proved too much the struggle. So, thanks for reaching out, and I wish you the best. 
•    I am so honored that you would send me an email. You look and sound like a delightful woman, and I enjoyed reading your profile. However, as flattered as I am by your contact, it's my strong hunch that we're really not a match. So, let me send you my best wishes for meeting your match.  
•    Actually, I am looking for a soul-mate. Dating and friendship is fine, but I would like to "go all the way" as it were. About four years ago, I dated a woman who had lost her husband and I thought we were a pretty good fit, but she loved her husband very much and had no room for me. You seem like a smart and interesting person, and I could be making a mistake, but somehow I feel that we aren't a good fit either. You may be right in looking for a widower. Thanks for writing me.
•    Thank you for the contact and the nice words. I am in a process of transition, learning to listen to myself and find out what I am looking for at this juncture in my life. You seem like a beautiful and interesting person. However at this point I don't feel that we would be a good match for dating. I send my heartfelt wishes to you to find the person and love that you seek and deserve.

 Readers: Have you received "no, thank you" notes that made you smile instead of cringe? Have you sent any you'd like to share?

1/30/11 update: Here's a rejection I really didn't like -- after a few emails and a phone conversation, an interesting man and I  made a walking date -- and he didn't show up. Didn't show up, didn't call, didn't respond to my "are you running late?" phone messages. I wasn't even close to home -- I was out of town (out of my town; in his town) on a weekend trip, and could have planned something more stimulating than waiting at the designated meeting spot. I didn't know people our age could be that discourteous.

2/2/11 update: I was surprised by a phone call from the no-show described 1/30 -- turns out he was injured and in the hospital, and days later felt up to making his way through returning calls and notifying people. So I completely misjudged him, and I apologize.

Dating Advice to Men Over 50

Yes, I've started online dating, and I'm actually enjoying it.

I realize that my enjoyment goes hand in hand with not having anything at stake, no big expectations. I'm not looking to replace Robert (couldn't be done even if I wanted to, which I don't) or find someone to give my life meaning and joy (my life already has meaning and joy). I want to bring more male energy into my life, meet new people, get out, have new experiences. If that results in connecting with someone wonderful, that's a big bonus.

I wrote this on a message board for women over 50 in response to one person who was scared to date:

If you think of dating as your way to learn about another person and about yourself without risking anything, it can be fun -- go for coffee or a walk or dinner with someone new, talk, see what you both enjoy discussing and doing. It's when you think of dating as auditioning a potential soulmate that it becomes fraught with anxiety, unpleasantness, and emotional danger.

First dates aren't scary to me in the least. I'm interested in learning what we do and don't have in common, and which of the divergences matter a lot. Plus, the writer in me loves hearing people's stories, and first dates are a great way to learn a huge amount in an hour, because it's expected that we share our stories.

Although I'm newly dating after almost ten years, I already have some strong opinions about online dating do's and don't's. (When did you ever know me to not have strong opinions?) Here are a few, aimed at men because that's my experience. I'm sure I'll add more as I proceed, and I encourage you to add your own. (Be constructive, not nasty, please.)

Advice for Men about Profile Photos

1. Please use a current image as your default photo. It's fine to include older photos also -- I love to see the long, bushy hair you wore in 1969!--but label them with the year (if your site permits captions), and make those secondary photos, not your main one.

2. Include at least one recently taken close-up of your face. Do. Not. Wear. Sunglasses.  I can't tell you how many profiles I skip over because the man is wearing sunglasses. I need to see your eyes.

3. Have a photo taken if you don't have one already. You don't need to go to a photography studio -- all your friends have digital cameras. Make your default photo just you -- no buddies on a fishing trip, no arms around a woman who might be your daughter or maybe your ex-wife, and absolutely no edited photo with the woman at your side cropped out (we can tell)!

Advice for Men about Your Profiles

1. Please give your real age and body build. If we'll eliminate you if you're older or heavier than attracts us, so be it -- that would happen once we met anyway. By the way, I'm learning that "average" build/body type means 30 pounds overweight. Is it true for women's profiles, too, guys? Just FYI, I put a lot of energy into staying fit, strong, and healthy. In my eyes, it's not superficial to seek men who take this kind of care of themselves, too.

2. I love it when men 50+ are looking for women their age and even older, but some of you say you're seeking to date women who are at least 10 years your junior. Is that simply an attraction thing? Or are you ruling out vibrant women your age for some reason I don't understand? Sometimes I write men with this question, and occasionally it leads a man to change his upper limit requirement! Mostly, though, they don't answer.

3. I really respect those of you who give me a courtesy of a "no thank you" if I write you first and you're not interested. I see you as polite and compassionate when you write something like "Thank you for writing, but I don't see us as a match. Best wishes...." rather than not answering at all.

Advice for Men When We Meet

1. Be yourself, be truthful, tell me about yourself -- and I'll do the same.  That doesn't mean dumping details of your last health exam or therapy session, but take the opportunity to show me who you really are and what matters to you. We're too old to play the I'll-try-to-appear-to-be-who-you-want-me-to-be game.

2. Please also try to learn about me. If you do all the talking and don't ask me any questions, I don't know if it's nervousness or that you don't care who I am. As interesting as you may be, a monologue absolutely rules out a second date.

3. If we've gone out to dinner, I won't assume you'll pay because you're a man -- I'll offer to share the expense. If you prefer to pick up the check, tell me with a smile, and I'll accept with thanks. But please don't make a face, shudder, and tell me how much you hate "women's libbers" who "act like men." No kidding, someone did that recently. He's a very nice man and we had good conversation over dinner, but clearly our values and opinions don't match enough for a second date.


1/7/11 update: I really don't believe in ridiculing people, but I have to share this with you. A 46-year-old man who wants a partner age 36-48 wrote me -- I'm 67-- and probably many others from the look of his boilerplate message. Although his message didn’t attract me – he misspells words, says he likes shopping malls, and doesn’t use capital “I” – I looked at his profile. He says he has a PhD, makes more than $100,000, and ends his profile with “i am a religion person,and i am into oil and gas.” I wonder which university granted his doctorate. His only photo is in sunglasses.

I'd like to be kind and send a nice "no thank you," as I advise you to do, but what can I possibly say?

Please, good men, I know you're out there. How do we find you?

Online Profiles--would you date these people?

Online dating -- it works for many of us, not so well for others. Sometimes you just have to laugh at the profiles some people post. Lucky for us, two women, Tonya and Michele, who aren't yet 50 but are close enough to love this blog, assemble the funniest lines from men's online dating profiles. Their "WTF Dating Profiles"  are posted weekly at http://alanandmichele.com/, which is otherwise a site for "adult product reviews," FYI.

Here's a sampling of their finds and their commentary -- do read them all when you need to laugh.

“Last girlfriends from here weren’t good so I’m doing things very differnt this time. This time I’m looking for a very honest girl who is really down to earth.”

T&M: This makes us wonder what he was looking for before. A compulsive liar who was a space cadet?


“I guess I am a middle aged man looking for a long term relationship, but until I find it I am looking for whatever I can get. Not really into the one night stand thing but it has been too long.”

T&M: Well that’s comforting. If he doesn’t like you he’ll still screw you since it’s been so long since he got laid.


“I am a man! A real man, I burp I fart and if it itches I scratch it!!!”

T&M: How fascinating. We’re wondering how many dates that gets him?

“I don’t mind a woman who has no goals since I don’t have any either.”

T&M: Now what lady *wouldn’t* want this guy? He’s 38 years old, so you could spend the rest of your life going nowhere with him.

 
I'm sure Tonya & Michele have a lot to do viewing men's profiles and choosing their weekly picks without roaming into our age group to help us choose, so let's help each other. If you're over 50 and you've viewed either men's or women's  (let's not leave out the other half of the population) profiles online,  share your favorite line from your least-favorite non-match. Use the "comments" below or email me and I'll post it for you. (No fair identifying either the profile's handle or the name of the site, ok?)






Sex column: Internet dating pros and cons

My latest sex column is up and it's about online dating:

When I first signed up for FetLife, I was shocked at the seemingly countless kinky choices I could list on my profile: wrestling, pin-ups, play rape, face sitting/smothering, distress. While technically it’s a social networking site, I’m including it here because lots of people use it for finding dates and hookups. Plus, those choices exemplify my problem with online dating in general: How do I sum up what I’m about, sexually or otherwise, in a few words?

I did mark off my favorites, such as bondage, breast/nipple torture, pain, pinching, spanking, talking dirty and vibrators—but really, how much does that tell you about me? I’d imagine not that much because even though I was given choices like being into or curious about these fetishes, or giving, receiving or watching, to me, that is just more than a stranger needs to know about my sexuality.

It’s certainly not something I’d discuss on a first date, and that’s why I only use FetLife for professional purposes. I’d be extremely dismayed if I did decide to sleep with a date and they just assumed they knew what made me tick because they’d read about me in such a limited form. I’m much more about the excitement of the slow reveal, à la a burlesque act.

Read the whole column at SexIs Magazine.

"5 Good Things About My Worst Date Ever" at Crushable

I think the title to my Crushable piece "5 Good Things About My Worst Date Ever" says it all. I don't know that I'm up for tons more online dating after this experience, but I'm glad I went.

Becka, 70: 3 Men in Photo Finish for her Heart

Becka, our intrepid senior online dating reporter, has met several men now -- after rejecting far more. Three men seem to be in a photo finish for her heart, she tells us! Here's her latest report:

PHOTO FINISH -- PART 2
by Becka

I winnowed and winnowed trying to separate the wheat from the chaff and I didn't even know what chaff was until I read some of the self- descriptions guys put on dating sites. Leo wrote that he was looking for a “soulmate to love forever” and then mentioned that his dog had passed away and “no one can replace that void.” Next!

Alex, 5' 3” who makes less than $20,000 thought I should know that he “reads women's magazines to study the opposition.” Next!

Sammy carroled that he wanted “to be Gomez to your Morticia.” Next!

Here's the winner: said Donald of himself, “I am a smoker, earn under $12,000, drink a little, am passive and submissive and am looking for a woman who will finish the job my mother and sister started when I was a kid of turning me into a full female.” Neeeext!

You will learn an awful lot about yourself on this journey. Some things not so good; other things pretty damn good! I learned I liked a sense of humor but sometimes lacked one myself. It took a while for me to realize that Joe was joking when he wrote, “She must be breathing. If she's not breathing, the whole deal is off.” Joe became Date No. 1. He does make me laugh and helps me be less uptight.

I also learned I am more of a risk taker than I thought. When Bill would not give any additional information until I revealed something of myself, I complained. He wrote, “Aw, now, why wouldn't you want some mystery?” Bill became Date No. 2. We met the first time at a local diner and each of us wore something from Star Wars so we'd recognize the other. Okay, so now you know I'm a geek.

I like these men and intend to keep seeing them, but my favorite is Steve, Date No. 3. He is the one who offered to cook for me, massage my feet and “wander through the woods together armed only with a camera.” He suggested meeting at a hiking club event. I felt safe and knew I'd have a good time even if we didn't hit it off. Smart man!

There are fabulous times to be had with wonderful people! To pull this off you need two senses: “common” and “adventure.” “Sixth” doesn't hurt either. My three men are in a photo finish for my heart. My advice to you: get going!

Thank you, Becka, for sacrificing so much time in the pursuit of, uh, educating the rest of us! See Becka's other online dating reports here.

Becka, 70: meeting men on senior dating sites

Becka, our intrepid senior online dating reporter, sent us her evaluation of several online dating sites from the perspective of a senior woman seeking men. As always, her report is both informative and entertaining:

PHOTO FINISH -- PART 1
by Becka

Let me paraphrase an old rock n roller: What a short, strange trip it's been! A jolly, jarring, coo-coo, sweet time I've had meeting men on senior dating sites. From boffo to bozo, I've met them all – or so it seems. Too many men, too little time, not enough memory.

Eharmony probably has the best setup. They guide you through the process beautifully, with many options, and the vibes inherent in their name appear to attract a higher type of person, male and female. (That would be me, of course.) You will end up spending money unless you're very lucky -- and quick, because most of these dating sites are timed release sites. That means, they won't release you to a fuller experience unless you are on time with a payment.

AgeMatch is just what it says. If you want a younger man but will stop short of hanging out at the local high school, this is your website. To each his own. One 30-something accepted me with the succinct phrase, “You'll do.” I was supposed to be flattered. I was not.

On the other hand, a 20-something commented on my picture, “You look like a lovely fairy in the woods.” I was charmed. However, I couldn't be sure it wasn't a 10-year old using his dad's computer.

Surprisingly I got more responses here than I did anywhere else: 67. Sixty-seven men wanted an older woman. Wow. Tell Hollywood! This may be very hopeful to those of you desiring that younger flash and dash. Or maybe youth today is just more tired than we know.

A super-friendly site is seniorchatters. It's located in the UK, but don't let that stop you. Plenty of Americans have joined. You get the first two weeks free, which is a plus. You can find both friends and lovers on this site and I began an interesting communication with a woman who lives in Turkey. I thought it would be neat to correspond with someone who has an entirely different life from mine. Keeps your brain alive.

I did end up going out with three men from my area and each one was a lovely person. I'll share my experiences next time. Life is long and hectic, until you get to be a senior. Then you realize your mistake. It's actually short and lonely. Why don't they tell us? Don't wait!


Thank you, Becka, for sacrificing so much time in the pursuit of, uh, educating the rest of us! See Becka's other online dating reports here.

Over 50 and victim of dating cyberpath?

Needed for my new book, Naked at Our Age:

Have you, as a senior, been a victim -- or narrowly avoided being a victim -- of a cyberpath when you were seeking love or sex (or both!) online?

Cyberpath: a psychopath who finds victims online and stalks and exploits them either online or in person.

Would you be willing to tell your story (cloaking your identity, of course) to help my blog and book readers avoid what you went through?

Also needed: Experts who can help seniors avoid becoming a victim of these predators and/or deal with the aftermath. I'd also like to hear from a spokesperson in law enforcement about what to do if an online relationship is escalating in a scary way. Please email me if you have a story or helpful tips to share.

Information will be shared on this blog and in more detail in my upcoming book, Naked at Our Age.

Becka, 70: Internet dating winks, flirts, and peeves

Becka, 70, the most active member of my senior online dating posse, has been trying to puzzle out the internet dating maze. Here's her third report:

Trying to decode the mystique of the internet dating scene is a little like being lost in the middle of a Dan Brown book. “What does it all mean?” you ask yourself – many times.

My first piece was titled “Wading Into the Senior Internet Dating Pool.” I erred. The experience is more like being thrown fully clothed into the deep end of your neighbor's pool which has not been cleaned for months!

I've discovered that these dating sites pad their numbers by keeping people on the rolls who have not visited in months, in some cases, years. They are, in effect, ghosts and will not, of course, respond to your inquiries.

Despite the ghosts, I have received a slew of responses. Some men who liked my profile responded right away and a day later sent me petulant “pokes” as to why I had not answered. Hold yer horses, buster! I've yet to figure out both the etiquette and the technology of this thing. But one thing I do know, I'm deleting the guy, age 65 who is looking for a woman 40-60!

Some of the choices you have for communicating are “icebreakers,” “winks” and “flirts.” I don't know about you, but I've never winked at a guy in my life unless he was under the age of 8. If you are 60 or older, chances are you will not be comfortable taking the aggressive role. Okay, go to your corners and come out flirting! Luckily for you, it's all anonymous. That makes you braver than you thought you'd ever be with men you don't know -- and might not want to know.

Some peeves:

• Senior Match encouraged me to fill out a personality form only to disclose that I could use it if I paid. I didn't like the subterfuge. But I'm finding out that if you don't like subterfuge, don't try internet dating.
• A number of guys had signed up with two different user names, so if you rejected them once, you get a second chance to reject them all over again.
• On all of the sites I found links that didn't work, windows you had to check but they didn't drop down for you, and pages that would not come up.
• On one site I could not choose my state and so I received a dozen interested queries, the closest being from a man 750 miles away.

But I soldiered on and learned some surprising things.

Thank you, Becka! Coming soon -- what did Becka learn?

Would you like to join our senior online dating posse and report on your internet dating experiences for the education and entertainment of our readers? Email me.

Note from Joan: I apologize for posting about a particular dating site's special free weekend offer recently. I don't know if the site was overloaded or what, but one reader reported that after spending forever filling out the long questionnaire, the site gave an error message. She wasn't about to start all over again, so she emailed customer service to find out if what she had done was saved so she could continue from there. She got a form email telling her to phone -- but no one manned the phones on the weekend, and the free offer would be over by the time the phones opened. She gave up and receives frequent solicitation emails from them now. I deleted my post about the site's free weekend, so don't bother looking for it. I'm not naming the site now because I don't know if this was one person's freak experience or that's what happened to many of you -- let me know.

Becka, 70, Gets Her First "Matches"

This guest blog is the second from Becka, a member of my online dating posse Enjoy Becka's online dating report, Part 2: (Read Part 1 here.)

I signed up on Match.com and was instantly overwhelmed. I saw nowhere to click for anything free. Loads of ads blared at me, so I left. Free is good. All the other sites I looked at offered choices that were free, and you could upgrade to a paying choice later if you wanted to. It feels like bait and switch when they ask if you want to see a photo, you click on “yes,” and they take you to a page where you are offered a chance to pay for it. Be patient, stand your ground. If you like the facts about someone and decide to communicate, the person him/herself will send you a photo.

I signed up feeling very broad-minded, so I said that I was interested in meeting men ages 40-90 anywhere in the world. I am 70. But I lied about that and subtracted a year because I figure a 6 was more attractive than a 7. So sue me.

But the joke was on me. I was immediately shown six “matches,” ranging in age from 47 to 82. Guess who I found the most interesting? Yup. Age 82, who lived “only” 2,751 miles from me.

Here's why I rejected the others, although some of you might find them appealing:

• Mike was a retired doctor who had no interests in anything other than things medical and golf. I hate golf.

• Robert said the most important thing in his life was his guru, whom he followed "passionately." Personally, I like a man who thinks for himself, plus I wondered would he have enough passion left over for me?

• Cal was military all the way and liked his bed made up with precision corners. Me, I like rumpled sheets, lots of pillows and an oversized, wildly colorful bedspread. Definitely not a match!

• Zeke was into fixing up his trailer.

• Allen I actually knew and thought he was a sleaze.

• Harry suddenly appeared – true! -- on the nightly news as a government employee who had been arrested for driving drunk. No thank you.

But I'm not discouraged. In fact, I'm about to send a response to Ian. He is retired, lives alone, has no family, is quiet, mild-mannered, unobtrusive and likes to fly. He is either Superman or a terrorist. So we'll see.

Thank you, Becka, for your entertaining report! Who else wants to contribute your senior online dating experiences? See my invitation here. -- Joan

Wading into the Senior Internet Dating Pool from Becka, senior online dating reporter

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Online dating for seniors: your experiences?

I'm also looking for a volunteer posse who would like to report back on an ongoing basis as you look for matches, email, meet, and date (or not). Email me if you'd like to be one of my confidential reporters.

(from my post about online dating a while back)

I guess you're a little shy about this. Right now I've got two women in my "posse" ready to report, and I'm working on getting three men to agree to share publicly what they've told me confidentially.

If you're 60-plus (OK, I'll accept youngsters age 50-60, too) and you're using online dating services and are willing to share your stories, please email me and sign up to be part of my senior online dating posse.

I'm looking for true and candid, senior online dating stories that inform and entertain my readers, aimed particularly at those who are curious about online dating and haven’t tried it yet, those who are trying and need tips for making it work, and those who just want to share vicariously your good and hideous experiences.

Sound like fun? If you send me installments as you go, with your real age and a first name of your choice, I’ll edit and post them.

Check out Straight, Single, Sixty ... and Dating by Katherine Anne Forsythe, MSW. Kat is a sexuality educator with a specialty in intimacy and aging and a friend of mine. She offers these wise tips for dating (and sex) at our age:

1. Keep your sense of humor. Have fun! Seriously, what else is there? Don’t take yourself so seriously.
2. Remember that all three legs of the stool count. All are needed for a solid relationship: financial, psychological, physical. Score high on each, and you have a winner.
3. Move on if it doesn’t feel right. Don’t waste precious time. It probably doesn’t feel right to her/him, either. Your mother is still right: There are other fish in the sea, even older fish.
4. Carry condoms. This generation rebels against condoms—most were lucky enough to dodge the AIDS epidemic because of long-term relationships. But the fifty-five-plus demographic has one of the fastest growing HIV diagnoses.
5. Carry lubricant. Women’s vaginas are drier after menopause. Use lots of lube!
6. Expect intimacy, not sex. In bed, take the emphasis off intercourse and let go of orgasm-mania from your twenties and thirties. Think pleasure, not performance.
7. Always keep time for friends. They will sustain you long after the latest love interest has gone.

Online Dating Sites for Seniors?

7/25/09: I'm updating this post from two weeks ago with new information -- see end of post.

I hear and read both delightful and icky stories from readers who are using online dating sites. Have you met people this way? Has it worked for you? What are the highs and lows of this new world of dating opportunity?

I hear from readers that both men and women notoriously post outdated photos on their profiles, understate age and weight, overstate financial stability and looks, and so on. At the other end of the happiness bell curve, I hear from readers who instantly (or after 3 dates) had great sex and/or found a love connection with someone they met this way.

Let's get specific -- which sites do you use, or have you used, and what have your dates been like? Which ones have a lot of single seniors to choose from? What are the pros and cons of the sites you've used? Inspiring stories, funny stories, worst-date stories -- I welcome them all. I'd like to hear from single seniors and elders so that the information is targeted to my readers, and please name the site.

I'm also looking for a volunteer posse who would like to report back on an ongoing basis as you look for matches, email, meet, and date (or not). Email me if you'd like to be one of my confidential reporters.

Note: Please don't comment here in order to advertise a site you operate or work for. Instead, if you're affiliated with an online dating site, please email me with all pertinent info rather than commenting here. I promise I'll respond and look into what your site offers.

Update: "Granny B" is a 69-year-old widow "looking for one last Love." she writes a funny and informative blog titled GrannyBoogies on the highway of life chronicling her adventures in online dating. Although at first she didn't identify the sites she's using, instead giving them pet names like "Silvermatch" and "fishyfishy," her July 24 post -- "Granny's adventures in cyber date land or somewhere out there..." -- tells which six online dating sites she has used: e-harmony, Senior Match, Plenty of Fish, Senior Friend Finder, BBW and Cupid. She shares wisdom and caveats, such as this:

Beware of guys who are "legally separated" and don't post a photo of themselves. Watch out for profile names (you usually don't use your real name for your profile, I am Granny Boogies, Granny B and NVHeart on my profiles). If you find a profile name like 694U or Buttlover, you might want to take a pass. You also might want to skip the profiles without any personal information, where the answers are "just send me a message". Watch out for guys who take photos of themselves in their bathroom. Keep a sense of humor, remember men are both wonderful and strange. Use common sense, first dates in a public place and let someone know where you are. Yes, we are grownups so let's use our grownup smarts.