When I first signed up for FetLife, I was shocked at the seemingly countless kinky choices I could list on my profile: wrestling, pin-ups, play rape, face sitting/smothering, distress. While technically it’s a social networking site, I’m including it here because lots of people use it for finding dates and hookups. Plus, those choices exemplify my problem with online dating in general: How do I sum up what I’m about, sexually or otherwise, in a few words?
I did mark off my favorites, such as bondage, breast/nipple torture, pain, pinching, spanking, talking dirty and vibrators—but really, how much does that tell you about me? I’d imagine not that much because even though I was given choices like being into or curious about these fetishes, or giving, receiving or watching, to me, that is just more than a stranger needs to know about my sexuality.
It’s certainly not something I’d discuss on a first date, and that’s why I only use FetLife for professional purposes. I’d be extremely dismayed if I did decide to sleep with a date and they just assumed they knew what made me tick because they’d read about me in such a limited form. I’m much more about the excitement of the slow reveal, à la a burlesque act.
Read the whole column at SexIs Magazine.
