Bsoft Massager: vibrator review

What an odd shape -- that was my first thought when I received my Bsoft clitoral vibrator from Eden Fantasys sex toys. After 67 years, I thought I knew my female anatomy, and this didn't look like it would match anything that I knew.

 One side is mildly concave, the other is ridged. One end is pointier than the other. The whole thing vibrates!

 I wasn't sure how to hold it -- which side was "up"? Nothing seemed sized or shaped the way I was.


The manual didn't help--it's for various products and in many languages, with no specifics about using it, and in such small type that no one can read it anyway.

So I decided to experiment and see what I liked. I'm sure that the reason for the lack of direction is to encourage us to do just that, since there's no wrong way to use it. It was fun to experiment, but ultimately unsatisfying.

The name "Bsoft" led me to believe that this toy would be softer -- more cushiony or flexible -- than it is. It's hard. There's nothing soft about it, and as I explored different positions and pressures, I got mad at its misnomer.

I found more to dislike than to like, even if I were to be forgiving about the name. If I pressed with the end where I was feeling the strongest vibrations, it sort of pinched delicate tissue. The concave position was too light for sensation, and the ridge was more irritating than stimulating.

Usually if I don't like a toy personally, I try to figure out who would like it. If it's too light for me, would it be good for a first timer? Not with this complicated, non-intuitive shape. If it didn't fit my physiology, would it fit someone else's? Darned if I know. (Let me know if you found it just right for you.)

I ended up turning it off and reaching for my dependable Hitachi Magic Wand. What's a woman to do?

Even though I couldn't find much to like about using the Bsoft, it does have its attributes: rechargeable, waterproof, easy-to-use controls, easy to clean. very lightweight for travel.

Thank you, Eden Fantasys for sending me the Bsoft -- sorry I didn't like it better!

Mini-Wahl - only one speed: ferocious!

I had a Wahl as my first vibrator in my thirties.  I bought it at Macys in the "personal care" department -- it was a (wink-wink) massager for tight muscles and for giving the face a rosy glow. It did that, all right! I loved it and named it Wally.

Over the decades, I discovered the Hitachi and other wonders of the world, but Wally really taught me about my sexuality in my youth, when sex was easy, available, yet confusing. I was sad to discard my Wahl at about age 50 when all the plastic attachments had cracked and crumbled and it ran dangerously hot.

When EdenFantasys announced the arrival of the new Mini-Wahl, I couldn't wait to see how it had been reinvented! This model is lightweight in ounces but not in vibrational intensity -- it's a strong vibrator!

It comes with a bunch of pop-on massage attachments for scalp and sore muscles (seriously), and although I tried every one for my -- ahem! - purposes, the only one I liked was this maze-like, round shape that targeted the clitoris and sort of radiated out to a larger area. I found all the attachments rather hard, not the soft rubbery feel that might be more appealing.

The Mini-Wahl recharges by plugging it in and sitting it in its base (if you want -- you don't have to use the base) for a while. Then you don't have to deal with wires or batteries. It's quite unattractive, but maybe that's okay, because it looks so much like an ugly old muscle massager that you don't have to hide it.

It's shaped for ease of holding. The neck of the holder looks like it should bend, but it's actually not very flexible. The Mini-Wahl is really noisy, and if you try to make it bend, it gets noisier.

I've tested many vibrators that have multiple speeds and modes and I just turn the thing all the way up, so it didn't bother me that this vibrator has only one speed: ferocious. If you like a more gradual build-up, you might want to use one of your other toys first until you're close to blast-off.

If you've encountered vibrators that are too strong for you, this one probably wouldn't please you. In fact, some women complain that it's too strong and even "numbing." But if you are among those of us who require extra intensity, the strength is a good thing.

I recommend the Mini-Wahl if you want a strong vibrator that you don't have to hide, and especially if you want to massage sore muscles in addition to playing with it sexually.

Compared to other vibrators I've used and love, though--click here for my other reviews (keep scrolling to "older posts" -- I've reviewed dozens of them!) -- it rates maybe 3 stars out of 5. It does the intended job efficiently, but others do the same job while being prettier, quieter, and more comfortable. It's less than half the price of some of my favorites, though, so do consider it if price is a consideration!

Thank you, EdenFantasys, for sending me the Mini-Wahl for review.

Jimmyjane Form 4: How do I love thee?

I have a new lover. He teased me in the shower, and then I took him to bed with me and had my way with him. His name is Jimmyjane Form 4, but I'll call him Frankie because his full name sounds too formal and boring, and he's anything but boring. He's a luxury vibrator, and I think I'm in love. Thank you, Kama Sutra Closet, for introducing us!

What do I love about Frankie? His vibrations are strong, and just the type I like: throbbing and rumbly  rather than buzzy. The shape, which looks rather odd, is a lovely fit lengthwise against the whole vulva, with the business end (the smaller end which houses the motor) covering the clitoris and the rest of the vibrator pressed down for extra stimulation. At least that's my favorite way to use it.

If you prefer, the smaller end can be inserted to stimulate the G-spot. I'm enjoying Frankie so much externally that I haven't wanted to switch. It's about 1.5" diameter at the bulby part of the smaller end, then tapers in, then expands again to a 2" diameter at the biggest part, which I can't imagine inserting. 

I love the velvety silicone -- a matte finish that is smooth but with a little drag for friction. Use lube, of course -- non-silicone is best for use with silicone toys. It has a little flexibility, making it easy to position and not have to crook an arthritic wrist uncomfortably.

It charges by sitting in its charging seat. Once charged, it's cord-free and battery-free. It's completely waterproof -- not just splash-proof, but immersible. Hence my shower foreplay.

I have to chide Jimmyjane for making the controls impossible to read unless you're wearing reading glasses and standing in bright sunlight. Fortunately, once you've learned where the three controls are and what they do ("+" for more intense; "-" for less intense; a wavy squiggle for changing function), you can do it by feel.

Be careful that the side with the controls is facing away from your body, or you might accidentally press a button with your thumb that changes the action at the wrong moment, and that's a sad event indeed. 

Shouldn't a luxury vibrator come with its own lint-free storage pouch? I think so. But Frankie arrived in a plastic case that clearly was meant for recycling, not for storage.

Never mind the case and the buttons -- Frankie is a dream lover of a vibrator.

Thank you, Kama Sutra Closet, for bringing us together. Right now Kama Sutra Closet is offering the Jimmyjane Form 4 for $116 (regular price $145!). Put in the code Better15 for a 15% discount on any other, regularly priced item.

Senior Sex & Vibrators: Myths & Facts

You're asking intriguing questions about sex toys and senior sex lately, both out loud and by email, and I'm hearing some misconceptions I'd like to clear up. I welcome your comments.

 

Q: Doesn't using a vibrator decrease sensitivity over time so I won't have orgasms as easily?

A: Actually, it's the opposite. As we age, we get less blood flow to the clitoris and vagina, and the vaginal walls get thinner. Most of us need more arousal time and more time to reach orgasm after we're aroused. Vibrators enhance sensitivity by increasing blood flow to the genitals quickly and powerfully, and by directly stimulating the clitoris. (The clitoris is our #2 pleasure hot spot -- #1 is our brain!)

Q: My lover is worried that if I use a vibrator, I'll prefer it to him.

A: Not a chance. A vibrator may give you quicker orgasms (that's what it's made for, after all), but it doesn't cuddle well or kiss or laugh, and pillow talk with a vibrator is really boring. It either buzzes or it doesn't. It's a dull companion -- except when you need a sexual assist.

Q: My lover says I should reach orgasm "naturally" and not have to use a sex toy.

A: I hate those "should's." Point out to him where his penis contacts you during intercourse vs. where your clitoris resides. And when he arouses you manually, which I hope he does, point out that he's less likely to get carpal tunnel syndrome from your long arousal time if he incorporates a vibrator in arousal play. That's right, it's not a choice between him or it -- make it a threesome: the two of you using the vibrator together.

Q: I had two friends who burned themselves with sex toys. Aren't they dangerous?

A: The cheaper ones are cheap for a reason. They generally have no quality standards in materials or construction -- they're called "novelty items," and I don't recommend them. If your eyes widen at the price of the vibrators I recommend on this blog, consider that I only recommend safe products of medical-grade materials, careful construction, and the best design and function for our older (still sexually passionate!) bodies. You're paying for research & development and high-quality material that won't degrade, leach chemicals, break, overheat, or burn. That's also why I recommend shopping in woman-friendly sex shops (brick-and-mortar or online) with an emphasis on health and education, like the ones I link to.

Q: I've been reading your blog for three years, and suddenly it's sex toys, sex toys, sex toys.

A: I've been a widow since August 2008. 'Nuff said?

Please see my many other posts about sex toys here, including reviews of specific products, with links to retailers I personally endorse because they value women and men of our age and treat us well.

Note to retailers: Do not spam my comments section, because I'll delete any comment that takes my readers to a retail site I have not endorsed. If you think you should be included in the retailers I endorse, contact me personally. Thank you.

-- Joan

I-Vibe Rabbit: "It's not you, it's me"

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No Squeals for the Sqweel

I wish I loved the Sqweel. It's a great idea -- a rotating wheel of fluttering mini-tongues lapping away for your pleasure. I knew it wouldn't/couldn't really feel like a lover's tongue, but I hoped for sensations close enough for my fantasy to take over. Nope, didn't happen.

Good news first: It's cleverly designed. The soft tongues are on a wheel that rotates inside a case that you hold. Press the tongues gently against the clitoris, and the stimulation begins.The controls at the end (off, low, medium, high)  are easy to use without looking.

The tongue wheel comes out easily for cleaning and snaps in securely for use.  The case has a cover section for storage.

Use plenty of lube, especially if you have pubic hair (yes, many of us still do!), because otherwise the rotating tongues will grab your hairs. Another reviewer described "rug burn" when she didn't use enough lube -- my guess is that she didn't have public hair.

It takes three AAA batteries, easy to insert. Remove the batteries when you store it -- I didn't, and the batteries were dead when I picked it up a month later.

My disappointment was twofold:

(1) The vibrations aren't strong enough -- sort of mid-strong, but not super-strong -- and pressing harder makes the wheel slow down, so you have to avoid pressing. If you don't need super strong, it might be just fine for you.

(2) Because the Sqweel is so large and covers so much of your personal real estate, there's no space left if you want to add an insertable toy at the same time. Sorry, but that's a deal breaker for me!  Babeland's description says it can be used during couple sex ("hold it against your clit during penetration"), but I can't imagine how this might be done. Let me know if you've managed it. I suppose you could hold it sideways instead of up-and-down, but the sideways sensation was too odd for me.

I know many reviewers love this toy, so don't dismiss it if my personal objections don't hit home with you. It's not a bad toy, it just doesn't work for me.

Thank you , Babeland, for the opportunity to try the Sqweel!

10 Tips for Hot Solo Senior Sex

4/12/11: I just updated these tips, originally posted 12/24/10 in response to my 10 Tips for Hot Sex after Sixty, which was aimed at couples. We’re not all in sexual relationships, and self-pleasuring is so important at our age! Here are some tips for enjoying hot SOLO senior sex.  

10 Tips for Hot Solo Senior Sex

By Joan Price

Senior sex isn't just partner sex. Many of us don't have partners, yet keeping our sexual selves vibrant and health is crucial for many reasons. It's true that if we don't use it, we lose it -- and that's true for both women and men.

When we have less hormonal rush to stay sexual, especially if we're without a partner and maybe blue about that, we can fall into a pattern where we don't think as much about sexual pleasure, and we don't give it to ourselves. Arousal and orgasms may feel second-rate and inconsequential, and sometimes just too much trouble.

Instead, let's see our marvelous bodies as still capable of pleasure, and let's nurture that. We have the capacity -- and the responsibility! -- to keep ourselves fully functioning by pleasuring ourselves, discovering what feels good (it may have changed, so don't assume that of course you know) and what it takes to make our brains and body parts sing. Let's celebrate that we don't have to close down just because we're older and partnerless. Indeed, let's enjoy what we can offer ourselves.

Here are some tips for bringing the sizzle back to your sex life -- on your own!

1. Plan for solo sex. At this time of life, we need slow arousal and gradual build-up. So set aside enough private time to enjoy the journey without rushing. Set up whatever you need for comfort, such as special pillows. Shut off distractions like phone and computer, lock the door, and settle in for pleasure.

2. Enjoy solo sex during high energy times. When do you feel most sexually charged? When you first wake up? After morning coffee and a good poop? Mid-afternoon? That’s when to indulge in a solitary romp, rather than after a meal when you’re digesting or at night when your sensations are shutting down. When you feel the tingle, indulge it!

3. Create your own foreplay. Do sexy things that get you in the mood. Remember hot times with a special lover. Read erotica, play special songs, watch porn (or, if you prefer, a movie with a star who always turns you on), write sexy thoughts in your journal, take a waterproof vibrator into the bath or shower -- whatever starts your path to arousal. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your body with lingerie, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight--whatever feels good and puts you in the mood.

4. Use a silky lubricant. Don’t just settle for the drugstore variety -- there are many different varieties of lubricants for moisture and slickness that feel great and bring back the joy of friction, whether we’re using our hands or a toy. Experiment to find your favorites. Keep the lube within reach so you can reapply frequently.

5. Explore sex toys and other erotic helpers. Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm these days, and our wrists may tire before we reach our goal. Women: try a clitoral vibrator, with or without a dildo, depending whether you like the feeling of a full vagina. (Read the many vibrator reviews on this blog to help you choose.) Men: try a sleeve, cock ring, or prostate stimulator. Lucky for us that sex toys for both genders are easy to find, fun to try, and wow, do they work!

6. Fantasize. Let yourself explore fantasy scenes and partners, no limits. Let your brain (your main sex organ!) indulge in whatever arouses you. Be open to whatever comes into your mind, even if it is something you would not do in real life or with someone you consider off limits. No fantasy is “wrong,” and no one has to know what images or scenarios turn you on. Just go with it.

7. Be physical in daily life. Walking, biking, dancing, yoga, Pilates, lifting weights, and other forms of exercise all enhance blood flow and get you in touch with your own physicality. This translates to your sexual arousal because the blood flows to your genitals as well as to your muscles, making arousal easier and faster. Plus you mentally feel “in your body.”

8. Realize that your solo practice not only gives you pleasure, it’s important for health. Experts recommend at least one orgasm a week for both men and women for genital health and for heart health as well. Weekly orgasms keep the pelvic floor strong and the nerves firing, boost the immune system, and reduce the risk of incontinence, depression, and heart disease. Men – regular orgasms are important for prostate health.

9. If you think you’re not in the mood, do it anyway. It’s too easy to put solo sex on the back burner, and once we’re out of the habit, it’s harder to get revved up again. This is especially true at our age, when our hormones are no longer screaming for release. So reread tips #1-8, and just do it. You’ll find that the physical arousal will happen, that that will trigger your emotional arousal, and that triggers more physical arousal, until it’s all working just right.

10. Don’t think of solo sex as “settling for” a substitute for partner sex. You’re celebrating your own sexuality, glorying in your body’s capability of pleasing you, and enjoying the journey. This is a gift you can give yourself whenever you want, and isn’t that wonderful?

(These tips are copyright 2010-2011 by Joan Price and may not be reprinted without permission from Joan Price. Thank you!)

Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty is available from www.joanprice.com (personally autographed) or from Amazon.

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is now available! Order an autographed copy directly from me -- be sure to let me know to whom to autograph it -- by clicking the PayPal button below...

Or order from Amazon here.

Size My Sex Toys, Please!

 Women have their choice of sizes for bras and shoes, which is a good thing, because obviously our breasts and feet are all different shapes and sizes. So why haven't sex toy designers/ manufacturers realized that our genitals are all different shapes and sizes, too?

Okay, it's obvious that we are, and it's also obvious that good sex toys would cost even more than they do now if they either came in a variety of sizes or were made to be adjustable.

But let's say we're buying a "rabbit" vibrator -- a.k.a. "dual action" -- which means that one vibrator has an innie for vaginal/g-spot stimulation and an outie for clitoral stimulation. Since I review sex toys, I get to try many different varieties, and I've sampled at least a dozen rabbits that don't work for me at all. If they hit the spot internally, the clitoral-stimulator doesn't land where I want it, and vice versa.

Unfortunately, the information details on the retailers' sites generally include only length and circumference or diameter of the insertable part, but no way to gauge how close the two parts are, or anything else that might impact our enjoyment of a particular toy.

Besides, how many of us know our own measurements? Can we ask our gynecologist, "Hey, could you measure the distance from vaginal opening to clitoris?" And since I can't bear a cervix battering toy, I'd also ask, "While you're in there, how deep is my vagina from entrance to cervix?" (Readers: don't tell me to insert a ruler, please, and yes, I know we're expandable, but still....)

This rant started out as the prelude to a review of an absolutely gorgeous and expensive vibrator that fits all wrong, but I think I'll stop here and see what you have to say. 

Your comments are welcome. (Please don't use this as an opportunity to promote vibrator retail sites other than the ones I endorse on this blog, though. I delete comments that try to hijack my readers to sites I haven't checked out and endorsed.)

Enjoy my other sex toy posts here.

I first posted this in November 2010 and am posting again, hoping to get more comments from you. Any sex toy designers who want to work with me, please let me know!

I Can't Ride the iRide

Sometimes a sex toy looks like more fun than it is. When I saw the iRide, I begged Eden Fantasys to send it to me for review. Since Eden Fantasys appreciates knowing how their toys work from a senior perspective, I received it quickly.

I had to laugh unwrapping it -- it's a boat of a sex toy!

Designed for mounting, it has a pink penis ("probe" is the technical term) and a clitoral "bump." It's huge (the launch pad is 13" long), bright fuchsia pink, funny to look at, and rather intimidating. Do NOT buy this toy for a novice sex-toy user!

And don't buy it for girth-challenged, older women. The pink penis is 1.6" at the widest part. It's not long -- 3.5" insertable length -- but the width made it uncomfortable for me. Maybe it's just me, but my maximum width for an insertable toy is 1.5" and this 1.6" wide (it doesn't sound that much bigger, but past the max is past the max), hard rubber penis stretched my limits and felt too hard and uncomfortable.

I've read other reviews from women who enjoy bouncing on the iRide but found the clitoral bump too hard. I can't imagine bouncing on it, and I couldn't even get far enough onto it (or it into me) for the bump to find my clitoris. You can't get close to the clitoral knob unless you're all the way impaled, something I didn't manage to achieve. (No, I will not make a video of my attempts, as comical as they were.)

If you have no problem enjoying 1.6" girth, you may enjoy this a lot. The control buttons -- one for the penis, the other for the bump -- are easy to find and use, and the vibrations are intense. Hint for older women with arthritic knees: Prop the whole iRide up on a pillow before you straddle it.

The iRide takes 4 AA batteries behind the battery door, easy access and well away from lubricant and clean-up splashes as long as you're careful.  Eden Fantasys sent me some Afterglow toy wipes for simple clean-up.


Thank you, Eden Fantasys, for letting me review the iRide. Sorry it didn't work out for me!

(If you're in or near Sebastopol, CA, and you are screaming, "Joan! Let me have your iRide!" email me.)

ToiBocks: Store and Hide Your Toys

What a lovely gift is the ToiBocks!  This reddish brown wooden box is 11" long by 7" wide by 6.25" tall and is lined with dark red fabric. It looks like a jewelry box and sits tastefully on the dresser. But it's more than a jewelry box -- it's a sex toy storage box!

The ToiBocks has a shallow, top level where you can store small toys and a deep, lower compartment that stores medium-size toys. My goodness, how many toys it can store, as you see!

Important note: I piled a bunch of toys together to show you how much room there was and to let you have fun identifying the toys, if you're so inclined. However, never store silicone toys touching each other -- they can degrade, melt, get tacky, and otherwise interfere with the long life of quality toys. So if you want to stuff a bunch of toys in the ToiBocks -- and that's the point, after all -- keep each toy in its own little storage pouch. That's what I did after I was done taking photos.

The cool thing is that the bottom compartment is -- ssshhhh -- secret because it's locked. No prying eyes or fingers will figure out how to get into it. In fact, we who own the ToiBocks are sworn to secrecy. All I can tell you is that there's a magnetic "key" that lets you access it if you know how, and you won't know how until you read the instructions.

This is very cool if you need to hide your toys. At my age, though, with no need to lock anything except my door, the automatic locking system is more a hassle than an attribute. That's because even knowing the secret system, it took me a dozen tries the first time and five tries the second time to get the lovely wooden box open. As far as I know, there's no way not to lock it. I'm sure that Eden Fantasys, the fine folks who sent me the ToiBocks for review, will let me know if there's a secret way to keep it unlocked, or maybe I'll just get more proficient at opening it.  

(Next day update: Yep, I can unlock it on the first or second try now. I had to develop a safe cracker's ear to know when the magnet was ready for action.)

(Two days later update: Thank you, ToiBocksDawn for telling me how to keep it unlocked, see comments.)

I'm often asked by men which toys to buy their women partners, and I always tell them that choosing a sex toy is so individual that women would rather choose for themselves. (Am I right?) But you can't go wrong buying her a lovely wooden "jewelry" box to show how sex-toy-positive you are. Please, though, stick around and learn together how to unlock it, okay? 



Thank you, Eden Fantasys, for sending me the ToiBocks for review!

(I see that the ToiBocks is out of stock at the moment -- Eden Fantasys assures me they'll be back in stock 3/14/11.)