Showing posts with label quiz. Show all posts

BSNYC Friday Naked Drumming Circle!

As you may know, the speed at which a Fred goes "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo" is 46mph:

Well, I've just learned from a reader that one Fred recently experienced "woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-us interruptus" when he was stopped by Seattle police for going 42mph, a mere 4mph shy of terminal Fredly velocity:

Nevertheless, the cyclist was still rather pleased with himself:

As the cyclist involved… I figure I should give my 2 cents.
.
I was fine with being pulled over. I could have gotten a ticket and would have been OK with it; however, the SUV gaining on me from behind should have also been given a ticket. Going 42 (and by the way… why does everyone assume I was going downhill) on Admiral just keeps you with the flow of traffic. This morning, I was going about 30 mph and had a car zoom past on the right hand side and cut over right in front of me just before the merge to Spokane. Like it or not, it’s safer for a bike to break the speed limit and keep up with traffic (if possible) than to try to obey the law.
.
The officer was nice about the whole situation (and seemed to get a kick out of pulling over a bike). He said he had been looking for a bike to pull over for a while (apparently, I was the first going fast enough). He told me he was careful to write a neat contact report so that I could frame it. If only I had known I was going to be clocked…

And then went on to boast that he had even exceeded woo-hoo-hoo-hoo speed (or WHHHS-1) this one time at band camp:

The fastest I’ve ever gone on a bike? 58mph down a 25% grade in England, on a mountain bike and towing a fully-loaded trailer.

That's nothing. I once hit 76mph on my Big Dummy while descending a vertical rock face in Canada and "portaging" 130 kilos of expired "back bacon." If you don't believe me just ask my girlfriend at the time, Angelina Jolie. Also, I was wearing bib shorts over my t-shirt and had a parrot on my shoulder, just like this guy:

Though that goes without saying.

Something else that goes without saying is that ~~the time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork~~ Bret is the very embodiment of cycling, and a reader in Australia informs me that not only did he and his countrymen get to thrill to a Cadel Evans Tour de France win, but they also got to enjoy Bret's be-soul-patched visage as they did so:

They say that, if you listened carefully, you could hear Evans's "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoos!" as he hit WHHHS-1 on the penultimate stage.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll go "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!," and if you're wrong you'll see a recumbent wedding.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and--if at all possible--ride with a parrot.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) Why is this rider smirking?

--He's checking out his ride stats on his iBike Dash

--He's admiring his custom titanium Seven

--He's reading a witty "tweet" on his smartphone

--He's successfully written his name with his own urine

2) Why is this rider irritated?

--He is unable to view his ride stats on his pathetically antiquated computer

--He's only ridden eight miles though it feels like more

--He's reading "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy and it's totally bumming him out

--Some Fred in a blue jersey just peed all over his bike

(Humble inventor, or hyper-intelligent space lizard?)

3) What is this man demonstrating?

--The ManuShift wireless electronic shifting system

--The UpperHand heart rate monitor and power meter

--The YouTurn motion-activated signaling glove
--The Wank-O-Tron 3000 self-pleasuring device

4) Gerard Vroomen of Cervelo is a hyper-intelligent space lizard.

--True

--False

(Humble congressman, or hyper-intelligent space lizard?)

5) Congressman Earl Blumenauer says he is:

--"Avowedly bipartisan"

--"Aggressively 'bike partisan'"

--"Vehemently bipedal"

--"Violently bisexual"

6) Always wear a helment when you're:

--Commuting

--Racing

--Trackstanding

--Riding a stationary trainer

(Minimalist lizard)

7) The latest minimalist trend is:

--Unicycling

--Tiny houses

--Consonant-only prose (or "cnsnnt-nl(y) prs")

--Ironic hoarding

***Special Frame Material Smugness-Themed Bonus Question***

(My imaginary cat, Señor Nonsequitorres.)

Fill in the blank: Steel is _________ than bamboo.

--More smug

--Less smug

--Equally smug

--Rustier

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

I have a confession to make: I have Tour de France fever. And the only prescription is more Voeckler:

(Cycling Inquisition)

Yes, as I mentioned in my Bicycling.com blog, I'll be darned if that plucky little Frenchman hasn't tongued his way into my heart. (Eeew.) Indeed, as I type this a dramatic and no doubt decisive Tour stage is underway as the riders head towards Alpe d'Huez (pronounced "LAY-oh-pard Trek"). Therefore, I will get right down to the sordid business of quiz administration so that you may test your knowledge and then turn your attention to the race as well--assuming you care about it, that is. If you don't, here's a video of the great Serge Huercio that you can watch and enjoy instead:

Either way, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you will experience joy, and if you're wrong you'll hear that guy "foffing off" over a Specialized again.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and ride happy (but not too happy).

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) During this year's Tour de France, sprinter Mark Cavendish was attacked by a:

--Crazy spectator

--Stray dog

--Pie-wielding protester
--Disembodied lady hand

(The Pinarello is stock, but the cow jersey is bespoke.)

2) Sub-enthusiast-level cyclist Larry Olmsted says you need a custom bike because

--There's one hanging in Mellow Johnny's

--You can choose the font on your decals

--The other day he was riding with a guy who had a Serotta

--All of the above

3) According to custom bike apologist Larry Olmsted, track racing is:

--"Like speed skating with bikes"

--"Like the 100-meter dash on wheels"

--"Like water for chocolate"

--"A cycling discipline that dates back to the ancient Greeks"

4) Which city has passed a "Bicyclist Anti-Harassment Ordinance?"

--New York

--Los Angeles
--San Francisco

--Minneapolis

("I'm walking here!")

5) In New York City, it's perfectly fine to drive on the sidewalk.

--True

--False

6) This pigeon is wearing a pirate diaper.

--True

--False

7) Which of the following is not true of the new anorak from Outlier?

--It is "experimental"

--It has a magnetic dickey

--It changes "colorway" depending on the temperature

--It costs $425

***Special Temperature-Themed Bonus Question***

("It's hot.")

It's hot.

--True

BSNYC Friday Complimentary Lute Lesson!

ESPN wants to kill you.How do I know this? Well, as I mentioned in yesterday's post, ESPN's commentators think it's funny when drivers hit people on bikes. But that's not all. In fact, this is just the tip of a massive "sporting industrial complex" conspiracy against cyclists, for yesterday I got the following email:Monster Cable iSport Immersion In-Ear Headphones Review OpportunityAllowing

BSNYC Friday Complimentary Lute Lesson!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

BSNYC Friday Grammer Rodeo and Spealing Bee!

Yesterday, I mentioned an article in the current issue of the The New Yorker. The article was called "Climbers," and it concerned cycling in Rwanda. Here's a link to the summary, and here's a picture of the picture from it once again:

At the time I first mentioned it I hadn't finished it, but I have since found sufficient bathroom time to do so, and not to be a noodge or anything but I'd just like to reiterate that the article is well worth reading. It was a genuine pleasure to read bike racing-themed prose that didn't consist of doping-related moralizing, or effusive product reviews, or people with $2,000 wheels and electronic shifting complaining that their Cat 4 race results weren't posted online quickly enough. (Hint: if you don't know where you placed, you lost, and I say this as someone who has a perfect record of losing.)

I should also point out that I don't exclude my own prose from the Canon of Inanity, and in fact yesterday I was taken to task by a reader for using the "h" word. (If you don't know what the "h" word is, click here.) Now, he had some legitimate concerns, but the problem remains: what am I supposed to call someone riding a $3,000 track bike, sporting $5,000 in tattoo ink, and wearing a shirt like this when it's 60 degrees?

(The rapper Meh-minem prepares to rob a fixie boutique.)

When you see a fellow in a Primal jersey riding a top-of-the-line Madone with roughly 19 feet of headset spacers and an adjustable stem, you call him a "Fred." When you see a person riding a time trial bike in a tank top and hot pants, you call him a "tri geek." When you see a rider in a Saxo Bank jersey on the side of the road throwing his bike into a ditch in frustration, you call him "Alberto Contador." When you see someone on a recumbent with a beard of fire and a homemade machine gun turret mounted to his cockpit, you don't call him anything. Instead, you run, run, run!

So why don't we get to call the guy in the fixed-gear turtleneck anything? He's not dangerous, even though he tries to look it. What makes him so special that he doesn't get a goofy name like the rest of us do? Plus, more importantly, if we don't call him anything it means that wearing a $120 shirt on your face in mild weather is normal, which it most decidedly isn't, no matter how "fast" you are.

And trust me, I'm under no illusions that I don't look ridiculous myself. I went in for a haircut yesterday and the barber took one look at me and said, "You must be a writer." In terms of personal grooming habits, this is a moment of clarity akin to waking up after a bender with no pants on and your head in a public toilet. It's when you realize something's got to change.

Still, maybe we need to diffuse the "h" word in the way we defused that other "h" word by saying "helment" instead. Maybe the "h" word will go down a bit easier if we call shirt-on-face guy and his ilk "hilpsters." Sure, it's a little extra typing, but I'm fine with it if you are. The last thing I want to do is hurt anybody's feelings.

Lastly, it's interesting (at least to me as an amateur pop culture linguist) to note that, like the "h" word, the word "fixie" was also once in common parlance but is now considered off-limits. This is because it has been rejected by the sorts of people who discovered the bikes just a few years ago. (That is to say, "hilpsters.") Oddly, this only makes the word "fixie" more fun to say, and I now find myself going out of the way to use it. From this I draw two conclusions: 1) People don't like when you remind them that there's an old name for what they're doing because it makes them feel less original, and 2) I am kind of a dick.

And lastly lastly, don't confuse the word "parlance" with the word "palance."

Finally, post-penultimately, I'll remind you to please note that my Bicycling.com Tour de France-themed postings continue (though not necessarily on a daily basis) and if you care to know when they're published simply check my Tweeter.

With that, I'm pleased to present you with a short quiz after a short week. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then palance, and if you're wrong you'll see crazy hilpsters.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if you get chilly you can always save $120 and pull your shirt over your face.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

(20th century vocabulary, 21st century open-mindedness--just don't get him started on the Jews.)

1) Which culturally insensitive term did Phil Liggett use while commentating on this year's Tour de France?

--"Colored"

--"WASP"

--"Frenchie"

--"Hipster"

(Topless trackstands are timeless.)

2) Solo trackstands are out; two-man trackstands are in.

--True

--False

(Triple for the climbs, HED 3 to outrun the pandas.)

3) The latest in organic bicycle frame building material is:

--Bamboo

--Hemp

--Clay

--Bone

("This ain't no hilpster shilt.")

4) The "h" word may very well be the most loaded word of 2011.

--True

--False

("Sign my manifest, baby.")

5) "Alleycats" are outlaw bicycle races meant to replicate the workday of an urban messenger--assuming that messenger works in:

--New York City

--Boston

--Candy Land

--A Harry Potter novel

Quiz: What's Your Passion Personality?

This is probably a little girly..sorry fellas..I got you next time.

But I took the Cosmo Passion Personality Quiz and I thought the results were spot on. Apparently I'm a Simmering Seductress! lol Well...what can I say...I guess I am ;-)

If you're interested in knowing your passion personality go ahead and try it out! Leave a comment and let me know your results!

Peace, Lovin, and Swipes!

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz! (Now Reinforced With Special Crotchal Gussets!)

("Don't Fred On Me")

If you're American, live near America, or have been occupied by America (I think everyone in the world falls under at least one of these categories), then you probably know that on July 4th we will be celebrating our Independence Day. Yes, it was on this day over 400 years ago that we liberated ourselves from our evil Canadian overlords. That means this coming weekend people all over this great land will be celebrating by having decidedly un-vegan barbecues and by making colorful things explode in the sky. It also means that I will not be posting on July 4th or July 5th, but that I will return on Wednesday, July 6th with regular updates.

If you're wondering why the extra day, it's because it will take me some time to emerge from my subterranean bunker. I have many phobias, but perhaps my biggest one is teenagers wielding Roman candles.

Also, if all that weren't auspicious enough, the Tour de France begins tomorrow. And while I won't be posting here until Wednesday, I will be posting Tour de France-related stuff on the "Bicycling" website during that time. In fact, my preview post was just published, complete with stunning graphic:

I think "avec" is French for "meh."

If you care to be apprised of when further posts are published, you can check my Tweeting thing. Or, if you prefer the Tour de France "CliffsNotes," here it is: Contador's going to win, Tom Danielson is riding his first-ever Tour at the point in his career when most people retire from it, and as of this year George Hincapie has officially ridden more Tours de France than there have actually been Tours de France.

While I'm in information-dispensing mode, I'd also like to inform you that on July 8th there is a party in San Francisco:

I mention this because Stevil Kinevil of All Hail The Black Market is involved, and if you're the sort of person who enjoys parties then you know his imprimatur is a sure sign of quality.

As for Levi's putting their imprimatur on cycling pants, I suppose if you already wear Levi's and you also ride your bike a lot then Levi's offering a more bikey alternative isn't a bad thing. As it happens, someone recently sent me a pair of these bikey Levi's, and here they are with a grand total of three (3) disembodied feet:

So far, I've only worn these once--not because I don't like them, but because as a father of 17 children who has no desire to impress anybody I've officially given up on affectations like personal grooming and wearing shoes and long pants in summer. If you ever happen to come across me, expect extreme schlubbiness. Anyway, the pants are pretty comfy, but I have no idea what they cost. They also have a loop on the waist to hang your u-lock from, because for some reason urban cyclists love to hang a bunch of crap off their pants even though they also love gigantic expensive bags, and presumably Levi's needs to keep up with the times by making it easy for them to hang their baubles.

Speaking of packages (in that pants serve to contain yours), a commenter yesterday reminded me that, in summarizing the Mario Cipollini bike review, I somehow missed the most suggestive phrase of all:

built around an all-Italian package

The more I read that review, the more confused I get, since I can't tell if they're talking about the bike or about Cipollini himself:

(A rider straddles the Cipollini's all-Italian package.)

In the end, though, I'm not sure it really matters.

With that, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you're right, and if you're wrong you'll see charismatic duo Rooster and the Flash.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and enjoy the holiday weekend.

Love,

--Wildcat Rock Machine