Working the Steps--Step 7

Continuing my goal to work The Twelve Steps, one Step for each month of the year; focusing on Step 7 for July...

Step Seven:
Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

Step Seven is critical to the cleansing process and will prepare us for the next stages of our recovery. In the first six steps, we became aware of our problems, looked at ourselves honestly, revealed hidden parts of ourselves and became ready to change.

Step Seven is the opportunity for God to remove these hidden areas. If you are anything like me, your list is long and painful to reflect on. That pain may bring us to our knees, but what better place to humble ourselves before the Lord in prayer.

We must not hold anything back. It is only in surrendering everything to Him, that we will find true healing and freedom. We must take the inventory list and give each item to God; only then will we experience the serenity that brings the true joy we seek.

Going down the list of shortcomings can cause us to dwell on our self. To take our mind off self, we can meditate on Christ's presence in our life, on being free to live life following His example. We will soon begin to care more for others and put our self in proper perspective. We will begin to understand who we are and find joy in becoming the person God wants us to be.

To truly humble ourselves in the biblical sense, we must see ourselves as God see us. This can be difficult when our entire life as been spent seeing our self as worthless. By reading and meditating on God's word regularly we will find the value God sees in us and His plan for our life. We must empty our self like Christ did, surrender to God's will, serve others and thereby fulfill God's plan for our life.

It takes faith and courage to ask God to remove our shortcomings. We must trust that God hears us when we pray and believe He wants to answer us. We may not feel or sense an immediate change, but in thankfulness we can go forward confessing that God has heard our request and has begun the change in us. In time change will come to our sight.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. -- Psalm 51:10-12

Originally posted January, 9, 2009

Working Step 6

Having been out of town the better part of the month, I'm late posting June's 12 Step work. Better late than never ;) Blessings...


Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Getting ready for God to remove character defects in itself is a process. Some character defects are like old friends, comfortable and available.

We can't even get ready with out God's help!

In Steps One and Two we realized our powerlessness and found God's Power to be greater than ours. Step Three we turned our life and our will over to God. Steps Four and Five we admitted hard truths to God, to ourselves and to another person.

Now in Step 6 we wait for God to do some internal work on our hearts. It's not an action step on our part, but rather preparation that will enable us to become ready to release our character faults when the time comes in Step 7.

This is not quick work. Most of our character defects have been deeply ingrained in us since childhood. These patterns of behavior were often used as coping mechanisms in a traumatic environment. It will take time and practice to switch from our comfortable character defect to trusting God and allowing Him to be completely in control.

We must see our faults not as comfortable friends but harmful behaviors that have begun to control our lives. Once we know the truth about our faults and what must be removed; we can overcome our fears and with God's help, gather our self in readiness to go forward in recovery.

Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up.~ James 4:10

Working Step 4

Step 4

We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

The first time I worked this step was in therapy four years ago. I had to write down a list of all my acting out behaviors. It was shocking to see all the addictions, compulsions and perversions in writing. Because much of my life had been lived in a daze of fantasy and denial; it was like reading about someone else.

One thing we sometimes overlook in working this step is it isn't only the weaknesses that we need to inventory. We must also look at our strengths to stay in balance. Often times we focus so much on the bad things we have done that it keeps us feeling beat down. By evaluating the good things about our life, the potential for greatness that God has put in us; we will keep moving forward to recovery.

Step 4 is the beginning of the growth steps. By examining our past behavior good and bad we work towards understanding ourselves. Being totally honest is vital to the self-discovery that will provide a foundation of our recovery. Only rigorous honesty will remove the obstacles that have prevented us from truthfully acknowledging our deepest feelings about life and thus really knowing ourselves.

Prayerfully take a day with pen and paper in hand, ask God to reveal His truth about you to you. Remember God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. With strength given by the Holy Spirit we can push through the denial, past resentments, and the fear of acknowledging who and what we have been, to become whole in Jesus Christ.

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. -- Lamentations 3:40

www.reachinghurtingwomen.org

Walking Through Steps Two and Three...

Step Two
We came to believe that a Power greater that ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step Three
We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.

In October 2004, my husband, Bill, and I attended a marriage seminar where Dr. Doug Weiss taught on Intimacy in Marriage. At this seminar, I became aware for the first time that I was a sex addict and saw my powerlessness over my addiction. (see Working Step One blog below)

Steps 2 and 3 go hand in hand for me. I can't really separate them, because the time in which the changes took place is so closely related. For me Step 2 was really about coming to the end of myself. Realizing, that I could no longer carry the weight of my addiction/guilt/shame. Some people don’t like the part…admitting insanity…but like the saying goes… “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.” That sounds like the definition of addiction to me…so addiction and insanity must go hand in hand. Step 3 was finally getting to a place where I knew I had to give it all up and totally surrender to God's will for my life, no matter what it meant. Anything could be better than what I had been doing for myself.

At this point in my life, I was a practicing Buddhist. Intuitively I knew I had a spiritual problem, but in my stubborn pride I wasn't going to go to God for help. Instead I went the Eastern Philosophy/Indian Mystic route. One day in November 2004, I was upstairs in my prayer closet, reading and meditating on the Buddhist bible. I wanted so much for the teachings to sink in; to internalize them, for them to come alive in me. I even tried to memorize portions. But it simply wouldn't stick. I'll never forget, God spoke to my spirit at that moment and told me-- those words won't stick because they aren't the Truth. I never read it again.

It was nearing Christmas season and Bill very sweetly, offered to take me around Houston to some local church celebrations. I cautiously agreed, but went with a good attitude. We went to a Living Christmas Tree choir program, A Christmas Antique Car parade, and finally a live reenactment of the Bethlehem city, where tour guides took us through the different events from the night of Christ's birth.

Over that period of two weeks, God had been gently tugging at my heart strings, inviting me to come back home to Him. Softly whispering to me that He still loved me, no matter what I had done. Our son, John, had come home from Denver for Christmas, and Bill asked if we could all go to church as a family. John and I both reluctantly agreed.

I can't tell you what Dr. Young preached about that morning, I just knew it was time to make things right. On the Sunday morning after Christmas, December 26, 2004, at 2nd Baptist Church in Houston, I was born again. Walking down the isle that morning was like an out of body experience. My body, just got up and went. Sobbing uncontrollably, certain, I wasn't worthy to be received, yet desperate for God.

Since 2004, God has been so gracious to give me a deep hunger for His Word. Through the Bible and my different studies God has brought about incredible healing in my life, my marriage and my family. Sure, there is still some work to be done. But one thing I know for sure... I may not be where I want to be, but thank God, I'm not where I used to be!

God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases Him. -- Philippians 2:13

www.reachinghurtingwomen.org

Working The Twelve Steps...Step One

Growing up my father was an alcoholic. I had been raised around The 12 Step Program but had never really seen much proof of lasting success. In my childhood, watching my father and mother work The Steps was akin to brushing their teeth in some degree to me. It was like a ritual, just another set of rules to follow rather than putting it together with a relationship to their heavenly Father and His Word. I know the traditional AA 12 Step program is founded on principals of faith, but in trying not to offend other's beliefs by using the term "Higher Power" I think the program is doing a great disservice by not grounding the program firmly in the Word of God. Over the years I became skeptical of the program.

One Mother's Day 2005 I was at the mall with my husband, Bill and son, William, when we ventured into a bookstore. At this early point in my recovery (sober only a few months) I had been in a constant search for different bibles. Every time I was in a bookstore, I immediately went to the bible section. In doing this I was gathering a collection of great study bibles. This day I stumbled across The Life Recovery Bible. I had never heard of this bible even though it had been in publication since 1998. No wonder in 1998 I was no where a bible!... Anyway, I started reading it in the bookstore and couldn't put it down.

I was excited to find a bible with The Steps worked in with scripture. I purchased the bible and started using it immediately. This bible has been a pivotal key to successfully working The Steps in my recovery. For the first time recovery and The Twelve Steps started to make sense.
The Live Recovery Bible brought everything together for me. It was relevant and fresh, not just a dogmatic "program" from man. Instead it showed how The Twelve Steps can be found in the Word of God.

I didn't start working the program in the traditional sense by going to meetings and finding a sponsor. God didn't lead me in that direction. In essence The Holy Spirit became my sponsor. For almost a full year, I spent many hours each day reading and studying the bible...listening to Joyce Meyer's teaching tapes and reading her books. I put strict boundaries up for myself. I only watched Christian television, restricted myself from listening to secular music or reading secular magazines. Because I was able to be at home, not out in the world working around other influences, I was able to work my recovery this way and feel safe. I'm not encouraging others to do it this way, but this is how my recovery process worked. If I had had to go to work, I would have definitely needed a sponsor with 'skin' on to be my accountability partner.

My recovery process has been one of deep inner searching within myself to understand where I've come from and why my life has been what it has...searching God's Word and using it as the mirror to my soul to bring about correction and discipline. I did, however, work the steps by actually doing what each step required. Over the next few weeks, I'd like to share with you a study of The 12 Steps and how I worked them ...one by one...

(The Twelve Steps and Scripture references are taken from The Life Recovery Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.)

Step One

We admitted we were powerless over our dependencies--that our life had become unmanageable.

I took this first step at a marriage seminar my husband, Bill had requested me attend with him in October 2004. Dr. Doug Weiss from Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs was speaking on his book Intimacy. Bill had asked me to go to the 2 day workshop and I reluctantly agreed. I told him I would go on Friday evening, but if I didn't like the guy speaking I wasn't going back for the Saturday morning session.

The group was small, about 25 couples...friendly and inviting. I was nervous and had my defenses up. Dr. Weiss spoke from his heart and told how he had grown up with a sex addict for a mom and because of her addiction he was shuffled around foster homes and then eventually back to his mom and step father. Through their bad influences he too became addicted to sex and pornography at a very young age. He explained how people get addicted to sex, what happens in the brain and the suffering to come as a result. He was so transparent and real. He seemed to understand exactly the pain I had. I was really listening. I realized for the first time he was talking about me. I was a sex addict. I didn't know what it was about him and his story that touched me...I now know it was an anointing from God. Dr. Weiss talked about his clinic in Colorado and that they have Three Day Intensives for couples suffering from sex addiction.

Bill and I returned for the Saturday morning seminar. I was actually looking forward to talking to Dr. Weiss when it was over. I told him I would see him soon at his center in Colorado for counseling. I left that weekend scared by hopeful that help was available. After all the sex, drugs, alcohol, running away, various therapists, medication and jail time through Dr. Weiss God opened my eyes and I was finally able to see and here the truth of my own addiction. It was a miracle. It truly was the beginning of my recovery.

The First Step is the hardest. It can be very scary and humiliating to admit powerlessness... especially for someone who likes to be in control. Most addicts think they have it all under control..."I can handle it!"...that's one of the biggest lies. The admission of powerlessness is truly the first step to recovery and forms the foundation for working the other steps. If we rely on our willpower alone, we will end up escalating our addiction to get out of the unending pain.

We must come to a realization that not only are we powerless over our addiction, but over ourselves as sinners. We can't do anything without the healing power of Jesus Christ.

I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong... but I can't help myself, because it is sin inside me that makes me do these evil things...No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I can't. -- Romans 7:15-18 NLT

www.reachinghurtingwomen.org