BillyBob, age 62, has told some of his story previously as a comment here. He recently sent me an email detailing an experience that he wants to share -- and he makes an important point:
I started dating a lady I have known for a year, mostly through phone conversations. I knew that she likes sex. Last weekend we went for dinner. After dinner she wanted to go back to my place for a while.
Well, as it turned out, it was the most embarrassing time I have ever had, all because of a misconception some woman have about impotency.
I took a Viagra after we got back to the motel hoping it worked fast! It did its normal thing and got me sexually aroused but not 100%. She knew I had to take it because of the prostate cancer killing my prostate.
Here is where the misconception comes in. It seems that women who do not know about Viagra seem to think if you take it you just get ramrodding hard, and they do not need to do any stimulation. Well that’s just plain wrong. Men still need stimulation along with the Viagra. The drug is not a sack of cement installer.
And I was not about to masturbate myself in order to get it hard. Not in the presence of a woman.
So as it turned out she turned me off instead of on. What a bummer. It was so disappointing. I had looked forward to our meeting for some time. And the possibility of finally enjoying good sex with some one that likes sex.
All a woman needs to know about the drug is that you do things as normally, using stimulation together. So please tell your readers what my experience was.
BillyBob, thank you for sharing this experience. Viagra helps when there's a physical cause for lack of erection, as you know, but it doesn't increase libido, or substitute for all those other crucial components of good sex that you (and I, and probably everyone reading this) crave -- touching, kissing, bonding, stimulating each other physically and emotionally, enjoying each other's pleasure as well as our own.
It sounds like most of this experience was missing for you. What a bummer, I agree. I'm sorry you didn't feel you could communicate your needs and desires to your partner -- I don't know, maybe she would have been happy to help you get aroused if she had understood. It's hard to understand why she didn't seem interested in stimulating you just as part of the sex play (with or without Viagra), since that's a good part of the fun of sex.
I know you were too embarrassed to masturbate in front of her when she didn't help arouse you, but as a woman, I find it very pleasurable and exciting to watch a man stimulate himself. I don't know if your partner would have reacted this way, but I'll bet she would have.
If you see a future or at least a repeat date with this woman, I hope you'll communicate candidly with her before you get to "the act." And please continue to write.
Thank you again, BillyBob.
-- Joan
