By Eliot Glazer bestweekever.tv
Michelle Bachmann wants to be your President, probably, and she’s out of her mind. Although, at the center of her campaign is basically a chocolaty center filled with hatred against gay people. She really hates gay people. That’s already pretty much been established everywhere, but did you know that her husband, Marcus, “exorcises” the gay out of dudes who like dudes? It’s true! He [probably falsely] calls himself a doctor, and helps facilitate the practice of “un-gaying” people, something pretty much considered ineffective and often likely to damage one emotionally.The sweet irony in all this, however, is that — from where I, a
person with eyes
gay dude, can see — the guy is “gayer than a picnic basket” ( –Sophia, The Golden Girls). Honestly, like, it doesn’t matter how progressive, moderate, or liberal-minded you are. You hear that lisp, notice that lilt, and simply watch the guy dance, and you’re going to walk away scratching your head because how often do you see a woman-loving husband who sounds exactly like Corky St. Clair? (Gaydar knows what we’re talking about.)
person with eyes
gay dude, can see — the guy is “gayer than a picnic basket” ( –Sophia, The Golden Girls). Honestly, like, it doesn’t matter how progressive, moderate, or liberal-minded you are. You hear that lisp, notice that lilt, and simply watch the guy dance, and you’re going to walk away scratching your head because how often do you see a woman-loving husband who sounds exactly like Corky St. Clair? (Gaydar knows what we’re talking about.)
Some might say lobbing such accusations at a self-identified straight guy is unfair, and they’d probably be right. On the other hand, Marcus Bachmann has called gay people “barbarians [who] need to be disciplined.” Very cool way to talk about human beings, Mr. Possible First Lady!
Like us, Jon Stewart is pretty sure that being “disciplined by gay barbarians” is the stuff Marcus Bachmann’s secret dreams are made of, but he’s not gonna say that out loud. Or, at least, he’ll try his best.
