I'm finally back after 4 days of not coming home and staying over at Gerald's place. Whenever I do, time always pass so fast. But as long as I have every opportunity, I would spend my time with him.
Thursday, went for my haircut with Sister. In the evening, went over to Gerald's place & stayed over. He finally finished his exams so I just wna spend time with him. In the night, drank a little and all.
Friday, woke up kinda late. We had Sushi Tei for dinner. Woah, it was damn good. Thanks hon for everything.
Yesterday, saw Glenn, Jingy, Kenneth and the others playing soccer nearby. It was nice seeing them somehow. In the afternoon, headed down to Bugis to meet Jane. We went to church but couldn't find seats so we decided not to attend mass in the end. Slacked at TCC for time to pass. Thomas met us soon after then we cabbed down to Arab street. Lazy pple like us don't walk but cab, haha. Justin came along too! I'm glad to see him, especially with that smile of his, made me know he's doing fine but maybe not that fine, but still (: They left so I cabbed back to Gerald's hse arnd midnight.
Slept in till afternoon. Went for evening mass with Gerald, I'm glad that boy went to church with me cos he've not been attending mass for years! Russell and his Girlfriend came and we went to 3-Monkeys at Holland V for dinner. The food there isn't that bad [: Cabbed home after. I wish I could stay longer but fuck, my holidays end today, school starts tmrw. I gotta focus on my school work and stop thinking that I have holidays everyday.
.
.
.
I swear insecurities kills. I rly don't know how long my heart can take. One day, soon enough, I'll burst, I know that for sure. Trust has to be gained, but I'm sorry to say till now its hard. Behind my head lies the incident that have happened. It hurts to the max, that everytime I just end up slapping myself. Maybe in time to come, I'll just be slitting my wrist. What can I do to ease my hurt? You don't know, neither do I know. I cannot go on holding this thin thread of trust I have in you, its wearing thin. But anyway, all I can do now is tell myself to trust you but you know telling myself that won't rly help.
You were the best I ever had, you were the best I ever wanted, but just that incident could just pull us all apart bcos of how I'm feeling- Insecure. My intuition and gut feeling don't always go wrong. So am I then to trust them or you? Emotions are hard to hide. If the worse have to happen, you know I love you but I just have to let you go. At the end of the day, I 'll ask myself, "Did I let go of a gem so rare?" That I will never know but the risk I'm taking all along.
I really hope we could go back to the start when I used to declare to everyone how happy I was with you. I really hope that it stays that way. Because all I know is even years of a relationship that has been built up can still be crushed in just a single minute. Still, you mean the world to me. When you hugged me, I felt so comfortable like the first time I met you. The way you looked at me, into my eyes. & the way you assured me & told me those 3 words.. From the day I met you, I knew there wasn't a day I can live without you. You've become significant in my life, a part of me... I need you.
There's so much things I wanna say to you. But I guess it takes time. Like you always say, "Its easier to forgive than to forget." I totally agree, for those incidents haunt me at times. I'm relieved I didn't make that impulsive decision last night & I also hope I made the right decision. For now, I won't doubt you. I will just try to be happy, forgetting what happened and live for the moment, alright? People do make mistakes and they ought to have a second chance. However, you know chances only come once. So prove to me Baby that you're worth it.
Its getting late, I have to adjust my body clock. I pray school will not be so stressing. Persevere Joy! Okay, off to wash up, goodnight world!
Baby & mine SIMS' character :D
Cut these lips & they'd read, I love you.
If you call me today
I'd say that I'm fine
