Too tight? Vaginal dilators can help.

Women write to me that after a long period of celibacy, they find someone they want to have sex with again. Often they didn't think they would discover love/lust again after so many years. Their elation dims when they discover that they've become too tight for intercourse, or it's too painful.

There are several reasons that vaginal pain can happen (which I discuss in my new book, Naked at Our Age, coming in June 2011). With age, especially if you're sexually inactive, the vaginal tissues thin and there's less blood flow to the genitals. Without vaginal penetration and/or regular orgasms and internal stimulation, the pelvic floor can lose its ability to relax, and in its contracted state, the vaginal opening feels too tight to admit a penis or a larger-than-slim sex toy. If this is your situation, please download this Vaginal Renewal program from the wonderful folks at A Woman's Touch sexuality resource center, and put it into action for the sake of your sexual health and future joy.

Part of this program is at least one orgasm a week (you don't need a partner for that!) and internal massage using vibration. Yes, really. Internal massage with vibration brings blood flow to the vagina and helps strengthen the tissues. If you're so tight that insertion hurts, vaginal dilators will help. These are more wands than dildos, starting very slim and progressing in graduated sizes as your body adapts and is able to accept more.

It used to be a hassle to even find vaginal dilators, but now there are two different styles that are easily obtainable and will fill your needs:

The Oasis Dilator Set is made of smooth, durable, ABS plastic and comes in three graduated widths: Slim (1/2"), Midi (1"), and Maxi (1.25"). Order the size or sizes you need for $25 each. If you've been finding insertion painful, the 1/2" size is a good place to start, then you can order larger as you're ready. Each has a dial to control vibration intensity, from very mild to moderately intense. Thank you, Babeland, for sending me this set for review.

The Berman Vibrating Dilator Set is a set of four graduated dilators that fit like nesting dolls over a base with a dial to control vibration, from very mild to moderately intense. You can start with the slimmest, which tapers from 12/16" to 14/16", and build up over time to 1-1/8", 1.25", and 1.5". You get all four sizes in one package for $46. It also comes with a stretchy, nubby sleeve that is supposed to increase sensation. (The sleeve didn't do anythng for me, but you might like it.) Thank you, Good Vibrations, for sending me this set for review.

Both brands do the job very well. If you need super slim, the Oasis has the thinnest. If you don't have a problem with tightness and you like a fuller feeling, the Berman set has the thickest.

Using dilators is a process for your own sexual health and the health of a relationship you might have now or in the future--and it can be extrememly pleasurable, besides! For optimal pleasure, pair your dilator with a clitoral massager (see an array of reviews in my other sex toy posts here).